Bridging Generational Gaps in Dating Practices and Preferences

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A critical component of online dating transformation is the noticeable shift in dating goals and preferences across different generations. Recent surveys and research findings provide a nuanced understanding of these shifts, offering a comparative analysis between the younger generation (aged 18-29) and those aged 30 and above.

According to a 2024 survey conducted by the Survey Center on American Life, there is a clear distinction in the pursuit of relationships based on age. Forty-two percent of online daters in the 18-29 age bracket indicated a preference for casual relationships, a marked difference from the 20% of their counterparts aged 30 and above who shared this preference. In a parallel vein, the quest for serious relationships is more pronounced among women aged 30+, with 46% expressing this desire, juxtaposed against 36% of men in the same age group. This delineation of dating goals underscores not only the diversity in relationship aspirations based on age but also, the evolving nature of dating expectations among different demographics.

The complexity of dating intentions is further exemplified by a 2023 study by SSRS, which found that 39% of online daters were navigating the dating scene with ambiguous intentions, seeking relationships that could be classified as both serious and casual. This ambivalence in dating goals reflects a broader trend of shifting relationship paradigms, challenging traditional notions of romantic engagements.

In addition, research from the Pew Research Center in 2023 delineates the priorities of engaging in online dating. Seventy-two percent of women emphasized the importance of including relationship goals in dating profiles, a sentiment that was shared by a notably lower percentage of men (53%). This discrepancy highlights the differing approaches to dating and relationship-building, influenced by gender and age.

Generational Shifts in Dating Behaviors

The evolution of dating practices extends beyond mere preferences and intentions to include the behavior exhibited in pursuing these relationships. A comparative analysis of romantic relationship experiences across generations reveals a notable shift, particularly when examining the teenage years of Gen Z adults in comparison to Baby Boomers and Gen Xers. A study by the American Enterprise Institute in 2023 showcased that 66% of Gen Z adults had been in a romantic relationship during their teenage years, a decline from the reported 78% of Baby Boomers and 76% of Gen Xers. This data suggests a transformation in the initiation and progression of romantic relationships, pointing to broader social and cultural influences at play.

Further examination of relationship experiences reveals a pronounced gender disparity among Gen Z, with 44% of men reporting a complete lack of relationship experience during their teen years, a rate that is double that of older men. This divergence hints at changing social dynamics and perhaps challenges faced by young men in the domain of dating and relationships.

Contrary to frequent stereotypes linking emotional fulfillment solely to serious relationships, a 2022 survey by Zoosk highlights that 68% of women engaged in casual relationships reported emotional satisfaction. This finding challenges preconceived notions about the nature of casual relationships and the emotional outcomes associated with them, suggesting a more nuanced understanding of the interplay between relationship type and emotional well-being.

Impact of Technology on Dating

The pervasive influence of technology on dating practices cannot be overstated. Platforms like Tinder and Hinge have not only expanded the avenues for meeting potential partners but have also introduced new dynamics into the dating process. Tinder's data indicates a surge in user engagement around "Dating Sunday," with a 22% increase in message volume and a staggering 58.7 million additional likes in the period between New Year's Day and Valentine's Day. This uptick in activity underscores the role of technology in facilitating connections, particularly during times of increased social interaction.

The concept of "digital body language," as reported by Hinge in 2023, further elucidates the nuances of online communication. Seventy-seven percent of daters consider the subtleties of digital interactions, such as emoji use, punctuation, and response time, as insightful into a match's intentions. This scrutiny of digital cues is more pronounced among Gen Z, who are 50% more likely to delay responses to avoid appearing overly eager.

Technology's impact extends to the prevalence of online dating platforms, with a 2024 study by Cloudwards revealing that 19% of U.S. internet users were actively using an online dating service, and an additional 27% had utilized such services in the past. This widespread adoption of online dating platforms signifies a marked shift in how relationships are initiated and cultivated, facilitated by technological advancements.

The exploration of age gap relationships within this context of technological influence on dating practices is particularly pertinent. While not a new phenomenon, age disparity in relationships finds new expressions and considerations within digital dating. The facilitating role of technology in bridging not just geographical but also demographic divides offers a unique lens through which to examine contemporary relationship norms and preferences.

Final Words

In conclusion, the exploration of generational differences in dating practices and preferences reveals a scene influenced by shifts in social norms, technological advancements, and evolving relationship paradigms. These findings not only highlight the dynamic nature of dating across generations but also suggest a continuous redefinition of what relationships look like in the modern context, driven by individual desires, technological possibilities, and social changes.

This is a guest post.

5 Unconventional Methods to Revitalise Your Relationship

This is a collaborative post.

You’ve reached that stage in your relationship where you eat, sleep, and repeat every day together. Although it marks a certain level of comfort and trust in one another, it can also damage your relationship because of the monotony and missing “spark.”

Luckily, there are a few ways to get those butterflies fluttering right back into your stomach and revive the lost excitement in your lives.

Always remember that this part of a relationship is somewhat inevitable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t experiment to make things better!

Why Try To Revitalize Your Relationship?

In simple words, renewal and rejuvenation play a massive role in the growth and development of the relationship, as well as each individual on their own. The time we spend with a significant other can be life’s most excellent teaching and learning experiences. When we apply this to a relationship that isn’t working properly, it shows effort and consistency.

Even if the relationship doesn’t work out, the time spent understanding each other and renewing our perspectives will help us start different but healthy relationships in the future. Similarly, trying out new things helps one understand their needs, goals, and desires, allowing them to communicate better and find someone who truly makes them happy.

Here are 5 techniques you can try to reignite the spark.

Miss Each Other With Time Apart

As counterproductive as this may sound, doing things separately or spending time apart is just as crucial as doing shared activities together. Distance also creates desire and gives each other space because it can make you realise how you miss each other.

Getting “too” comfortable and spending every waking hour with each other is bound to create some form of suffocation in a relationship, whether you address it or not. So, make some plans with your friends, pick a new hobby, take a solo trip or something on your own and for yourself.

Indulge in Unique Experiences

Date nights are a classic way to spend time together, and it’s no surprise that these can seem a little too “repetitive.” Staleness in a relationship could simply stem from the lack of ingenuity, and one of the best pieces of advice out there to relight the spark is to try new things as a couple.

Whether discovering something you want to try together or surprising your partner with a spontaneous weekend getaway, you can never go wrong by trying something completely new. Studies suggest that something as simple as cuddling can release oxytocin, the feel-good hormone, so you can only imagine how happy you’ll feel with new shared experiences! Plus, this also helps to create memories and a stronger bond between you and your partner.

Adrenaline To Spike The Excitement

Studies conducted over the years have proven that adrenaline increases attraction.

Of course, there is always a balance. Relationships can’t survive on excitement alone as that isn’t realistic. However, you could try something more unconventional now and again - if you’re both comfortable with it.

Luckily, there are platonic, companionship-only male escort services where you can go on a “pretend” date with this person while your significant other plays along to reclaim the love of their life. Yes, this one is a little beyond the norm but can be a fun one to try. You just have to ensure that both people are on board and where the boundaries lie.

Talk Intimately And Get Comfortable

Having more vulnerable and meaningful conversations with your partner where you can discover each other on a deeper level can lead to increased intimacy for both of you. Even if you’ve been with someone for years, staying genuinely interested in them by hearing their thoughts, experiences, feelings, and expectations maintains that spark.

It is also equally important to voice your feelings and desires. Intimacy isn’t just about what goes on in the bedroom. It’s about the mental and emotional closeness between a couple and their ability to get comfortable with each other without any judgment.

Remember, Revist, And Relive

Remember the early days of your relationship when everything seemed magical and fresh? Well, taking a stroll down memory lane and revisiting some romantic gestures and activities that brought you close in the first place can help a great deal. All the butterflies, thrilling dates, stolen kisses, and long hugs could mean a lot if you bring it back to your relationship.

Unfortunately, over time, people tend to forget the very reason why they fell in love with each other and start focusing on their partner’s flaws and negative qualities that they don’t like. Instead, revisiting good memories and incorporating them into your relationship will show you how you can appreciate each other more and learn along the way.

To Conclude

In the search for the “perfect partner,” we often forget that sometimes it’s also about the effort we put into our romantic relationships. Every individual is unique, and by coming together as a couple, you accept them for who they are but also grow together in a way that is good for both of you. That often involves breathing new life into your connection - whether you’ve been together for just one year or ten!

Why Do We Stay in the Wrong Relationships for So Long?

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I’ve been asked to write a post about this topic many times now, so today, will delve into why we often stay in the wrong relationships for so long.

You can perhaps relate; you’re in a relationship that you know deep down, isn’t right, healthy or aligned with what you really want. Perhaps the same issues are happening over and over again, but you keep negotiating yourself away from those facts by putting the good parts of the relationship on a pedestal.

Because those good parts really are so good!

Maybe you’ve invested all your time and emotion into a relationship with someone and so of course, you want to give the relationship absolutely everything you’ve got.

After all, you have everything laid out ahead of you with this person. You’ve got a version of life mapped out that might include marriage, kids, a home, traveling etc. and so you need to see this relationship through and fight for it tooth and nail to ensure that dream life becomes fulfilled.

But what if you still know, deep down, that the relationship just isn’t working? Be brutally honest with yourself here. Are those good parts really enough of a compelling reason to stay put?

TIme and emotional Investment

The reason why we stay in the wrong relationships for so long is because of the time and emotional investment. When we invest time, money, or emotion into something, we want to see it through to ensure we get the reward. But like investing time or money into something that just isn’t working, there comes a time when it really is time to fold and let go.

Think of it from a financial perspective. It would be crazy to keep investing money into a bad deal. You’d want out before you created any significant financial damage, wouldn’t you?

However, when it comes to emotional investment, I understand the waters become a little muddy.

Fear of the Unknown

Whilst there is something to be said for making relationships work through mutual collaboration and compromise, if you find yourself constantly hoping, waiting, and talking yet nothing seems to change, or if it does, it’s fleeting and temporary, it’s a little like plowing money into that bad deal. The longer you stay in the relationship, the more hurt and emotional damage will be created. Plus, your dignity and sense of self-worth can be seriously compromised.

I understand that fear comes into play here. The fear of losing out on that life with someone you’ve worked so hard to map out. The fear of losing it can feel far scarier than the unknown and the thought of having to start over.

But there comes a point when it is time to see the red flags as just that - red flags. Love shouldn’t be about living in pain. A healthy relationship shouldn’t be filled with terrible lows but absolutely incredible highs. It’s just not sustainable in the long term. Or even on a less intense level, it shouldn’t be about a constant underlying sense of dissatisfaction.

You’re Only Human

And please know that if you’ve found yourself in this situation, or are in it currently, you’re only human. As humans, we all often make mistakes about where to channel our time and emotions. But like that bad deal, know when it’s time to fold and step away.

Yes, it might mean grieving the loss of the life you had ahead of you, but try and set aside the emotional element for a moment. Instead, if you look at the relationship objectively, you have accumulated enough evidence and facts to know that staying put will only come with more emotional sacrifice, hurt, and pain.

Step Away with Your Head Held High!

If you opt-out now, you have the opportunity to rebuild and invest your time and emotional energy into creating the life and future relationship you really, truly deserve.

It might feel scary but I assure you, stepping into the unknown with your head held high and dignity intact will be a much brighter, safer and healthier investment.

How to Deal With Heartbreak: 10 Steps to Healing

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If there’s anything I’ve learned about heartbreak, it’s that you never know when it’s coming! And no matter who ended the relationship, heartbreaks are awful to go through.

The nauseating feeling of being alone, constant flashbacks about the good times in your relationship, and the actual physical pain that seems like it will never fade…..

Even though we can’t avoid getting our hearts broken, we can learn how to deal with heartbreak.

Here’s my concise 10-step guide to getting there:

Feel the feelings and allow yourself to grieve

I’ve felt a flood of emotions any time I was going through a heartbreak. But, one important aspect I learned when it comes to dealing with heartbreak, is that even though there was shock or trauma, I still had to allow myself to feel whatever came alongside it. I had to remind myself that I was grieving something I cherished and that was an important part of my life. The best thing you can do for yourself is to allow yourself to feel all the guilt, anger, sadness, and loneliness.

Embracing these emotions is the first step to healing.

Cut off contact with your ex

I know, you’re probably missing the feeling of having someone around you, and you’re probably sending each other “just checking in” texts. However, you shouldn’t stay here for too long. The minute you give in to these feelings and maintain contact with your ex, the harder it is for you to move on. I would advise you to cut off all contact with your ex at the beginning so that you can break all the attachments you have with them.

Stop romanticising the past

So you want to learn how to deal with heartbreak fast? Stop letting yourself live in the past. Please don’t encourage yourself to live in the past memories of your relationship. Instead of living in the past, try your best to look ahead and plan for the future.

Forgive your ex

I know it can be hard to forgive someone, especially if they didn’t treat you kindly. Here’s the thing, though, forgiveness is vital. In fact, it’s your key to moving forwards. Remember that forgiveness isn’t for your ex - it’s for you. Forgiving them allows to let go you of the anger you’re carrying and helps to release you from the hurt and bitterness that’s holding you back.

Let people in

Accepting other people’s support is essential during this challenging period. and will help you to get over the emotional pain of a breakup. The truth is that accepting help from others isn’t easy, especially if it seems like you abandoned your friends for a relationship. If one of your friends were in the same situation, you would probably offer them the same support, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about accepting it.

Pursue new hobbies

Most of the activities you’re stuck doing most likely remind you of your ex. Why not try something new and potentially discover a part of yourself that you never knew existed? Start to create new memories as this is a fantastic way to build those new neural pathways in the brain.

As I said earlier, breakups are heart-wrenching, but they can become the bridge to new experiences if you let them. Pick up a new hobby, learn something, or make new friends. It’s the best way to revive yourself and keep moving.

Focus on yourself

Rather than obsessing over everything your ex does, you should take the time to focus on yourself. Stop agonising about things they said or did in the past. Instead, reflect upon yourself and your potential role in the end of the relationship, whether that be ignoring the red flags or even perhaps engaging in behaviours that contributed in some way, even if they weren’t directly destructive. You can use these insights to help you move forwards.

Once you get honest and acknowledge any part you had to play, you will move on faster.

Exercise or meditate

One of the most important things you can do for yourself post-breakup is to build your self-confidence. Practices such as exercise and mindfulness can be a huge help. The endorphins your body produces during exercise will make you feel so much better about yourself. If you’re truly not into hardcore exercise - like me, try something more gentle such as walking, pilates, or yoga as these will also do the trick!

Your body is going through grief the same way you are. It’s a stressful time and your body needs to heal and release the same emotions you’re going through - so nurture it.

Commit to finding closure on your own

I’ve spoken about finding closure before as one of the most difficult things that I had to go through was discovering how to deal with heartbreak without getting the closure I felt I needed from an ex. However, we must face it; sometimes, a partner won’t be able to explain why they’re breaking up with us.

If you’re in this position, it’s time to take matters into your own hands and create a narrative for yourself. You can create closure without any input from your ex because if you desperately try and seek it out, regardless of how much you deserve it or feel you need it, it will inevitably result in you feeling like you need more questions answered. It makes the process of healing a lot longer than necessary.

Trust the process

The thing is, when you’re trying to learn how to get over heartbreak, everything seems impossible. But, you must understand that it’s a process. While human beings are built to forge connections with each other, not all of them last a lifetime. Stay true to yourself and be grateful for the opportunity to learn, because that’s what experiences are.

This is your chance to shine! Be patient as it will take time and know that you CAN thrive and blossom after this experience.

7 Signs You’re Moving on From Your Ex

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Are you completely over them?

A little while ago, I received what I can only call a relief phone call from a dear friend. The minute I picked up the phone, I could tell that my friend was elated!

Without skipping a beat, she said, “Laura, I think I’m over him.” “Well, good for you!” I said.

I was curious though and asked her “What’s shifted for you?”

She then proceeded to tell me how she had listened to a song during her workout and had only realised a few hours later that it was her ex’s favourite song. Previously, the first bar of this track would send her spiralling.

You see, the reason why getting over an ex can seem like a hurdle is that we pour so much of our entire being; our essence into our relationships.

Once they end, we get into a grieving phase. The good news is, while the loss of a relationship can be painful, we do know that with time, some inner work and addressing a few vital elements, it won’t last forever. So then, how do you figure out that you’re over them for good?

I’ll tell you what to look out for.

1.     Spending time with mutual friends doesn’t bother you

It’s ok to hang out with you and your ex’s mutual friends, but there’s a catch. You can only tell whether or not you’ve moved on if you’re not interested in having conversations dominated around your ex, and have no curiosity or interest in finding out how they’re doing. If you don’t care to know details about your ex’s current life, this is a sure sign that you’re moving on or have moved on.

2.     You don’t stalk them on social media

Once we’ve broken up with someone, it’s easy to fall into the trap of stalking our ex-partner on social media. You want to know every single detail of their life, whether they’re seeing someone, whether they seem happy without you, or simply whether they’re ok.

If there’s one way to ensure that you don’t move on from a relationship quickly, it’s following your ex and engaging with them on social media. The best way to ensure that you get over them faster is to detach. Later down the line if something your ex posts feels indifferent or doesn’t bother you, this is a very positive indication that you’re truly over them.

3.     You don’t think about them anymore

If your mind constantly wanders to the things you and your ex used to do together or say to each other, you’re probably still in that grieving stage. However, if the thought of them rarely crosses your mind or if it does, it doesn’t trigger much of an emotional reaction, the chances are that you have moved on from them.

Remember, it’s more than ok - and natural, to think about your ex once in a while. However, what would have been romantic feelings should be replaced by simply memories if you’ve moved on.

4.     You’re doing more of what you want to do and what makes you happy

If you’re doing more of the things that you loved doing before you met your partner or newly discovered activities that make you happy, chances are that you’ve moved on from your ex. Once you resume a healthy routine that engages you and regain a sense of normality in your day to day, this is an incredibly positive sign.

Maybe you will also find yourself creating an entirely new schedule that’s more in line with your life now, but whatever it is you’re doing, as long as it doesn’t look and feel like you’re tied up to your ex in everything you’re doing, you’re moving on!

5.     You’re interested in someone else

It isn’t always wise to get into a new relationship immediately after a breakup. However, if the idea of going on dates and meeting new people excites you, you’re probably ready for it and have moved on from your ex.

When you’re interested in someone else, it means you’ve already resolved the feelings that came with the breakup. If you’re focused on your ex, it won’t be easy to move on or even be interested in meeting other people.

Sometimes, you might feel like you’re dating simply for the sake of going through the motions. However, you have to remember that there are other people that can make you as happy as your ex did.

6.     You Prioritise Self-care

The truth is that you’re not moving on unless you’re taking care of yourself. Focusing on those core principles of getting enough sleep, drinking water, being mindful of your physical health and generally taking care of yourself. This is where self-care comes in.

You have to take care of your body, mind and spirit. Prioritising self-care is vital if you want to build resilience towards the stressors of life that you cannot avoid - which often includes at some point, a tough breakup.

Once you dial in on your mind, body, and soul - and also adding those extra feel-good pick-me-ups including good skincare (a new personal favourite of mine being Strip Makeup and skincare) and dressing in a way that makes you feel confident and empowered - you will be in a better position to live life to the fullest.

The truth is that self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s a basic need none of us can live without. Without prioritising self-care, we end up feeling fatigued and overwhelmed. Once this is a priority for you, you know that you’re well on your way to moving on from your ex!

7.     Seeing that they’ve moved on is ok

The truth is that once a relationship falls apart, both of you have to move on. The only difference is that you will move on at different paces. When you’re still heartbroken over the loss of a relationship, you’ll probably feel sadness, anger or even betrayal if you were to learn that your ex has moved on.

However, if you’ve also moved on, them getting into a new relationship doesn’t seem to trigger you and you might feel a tinge of sadness, but you don’t dwell. Sometimes, you might also even be happy that they have moved on now that you’ve had the time and space to process, reflect and regain your own identity and life in your own right.

Although these are some of the main indications that you’ve moved on from your breakup and ex, remember that most times, you won’t need an entire list to tell you.

You will feel it and know it deep inside your gut - so trust that instinct and go with it.

How to Cope with Unrequited Love

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We’ve all been there before. Thoughts of the person we love filling our mind for entire days, wanting to be with someone yet circumstances won’t allow it, or hoping that our feelings for someone are mutual.

Sometimes though, cupid misdirects his aim, and we’re forced to deal with unrequited love when he misses.

If you’ve ever had feelings for someone that weren’t reciprocated, the heartbreak you experience afterward can be all consuming. While rejection (or what we perceive as ‘rejection’) in any form or kind is painful, the truth is that we can’t run from it.

That doesn’t mean we will never get past our experiences. Even though your heart might indeed feel broken, you will move forwards from this. You haven’t been rejected at all. It’s rather a case of misalignment. If you weren’t right for them, it’s also a sign that they weren’t right for you.

You’ve moved past worse experiences than this before and now is the time to tap into that strength that innately, you know resides inside of you. The pain you feel right now is only temporary, and you can move on with the right tools.

Before we get into it, here’s what unrequited love can look like:

-        You’re in love with someone, and they don’t feel the same way

-        You have romantic feelings for someone who only sees you as a friend

-        You still have feelings for your ex, but they’ve moved on

-        You’re in love with someone who is in a different relationship

-        You want to be with someone, but circumstances won’t allow it (they’re your co-worker, live far away or they don’t feel the same)

-        You have romantic feelings for a celebrity or famous person

How to Deal with Unrequited Love

People have different ways of coping with romantic grief, and while the tips I’m sharing are by no means exhaustive, they can help you learn how to deal with unrequited love.

Make Space For Grief

Emotional pain triggers the same part of the brain responsible for physical pain. This is why you feel like you're in actual pain when you’re going through heartbreak. It’s essential to accept your feelings of grief and heartbreak so you can work through them. Healing involves acceptance of what you’re going through. Acceptance then invokes validation of your feelings and the situation.

Through grief and acceptance, you acknowledge all the parts of your experience that were hard and invalidate those that were part of a false narrative. While you’re dealing with some pretty difficult emotions right now, remember that even though this is a memory you will carry, the emotions around it will heal.

Find Other Ways To Fulfil Your Needs

The next question you need to ask yourself is why you were so drawn to this person? What does this teach you about your own needs? To give an example, did being around them make you feel seen and therefore, more confident?

Maybe you needed emotional intimacy, or they had a personality that showed promise in compatibility for some areas of your life such as travel or similar hobbies. The idea of identifying these factors is to pinpoint your needs so you can learn to fulfil them in other ways.

For instance, if you romantised about all the places you would go together, make plans to visit new places, seek out fresh experiences and create memories. You can do this solo, with friends or explore ways to widen your social circles. Moving past unrequited love is about accepting the pain and sadness, but refusing to bathe in it by keeping up the momentum of your life!

Identify and Set Boundaries

When we’re pining for someone, we often end up blurring our boundaries and doing things that don’t align with who we are. For instance, you may ask yourself, “why did I travel 6 hours to see someone who doesn’t feel the same way I do?”

Once you start asking different questions, you might realise that you were most likely fixated on what these people said or did in the past. We become obsessed and feed our obsessions by crossing boundaries instead of starving our obsessions. This is now the time to regain your power and control by focusing on what’s important in this moment – you.  It’s time to take centre stage of your own life!

First, end all communication between yourself and this person. If you were connected on socials, stop following them. If you still have them in your contact list, delete their number. Rather than trying to establish any communication with this person, reach out to family or friends.

Start Or Continue a Hobby

This might seem bland and surface level but we often ignore the activities that define us or make us happy when we’re actively focused on searching for love. We can feel empty when we don’t find it or when that love isn’t reciprocated. Getting back to doing things we love or discovering new ones can be an excellent and positive distraction and a solid, healthy way to rebuild our self-esteem. Through these activities, we learn or remind ourselves what we’re good at, what brings us joy - and potentially meet other people!

Talk About It

You might hear other people suggesting reaching out to the other person and addressing how you feel about them. I really don’t recommend this as deep down you know all you need to know about the dynamic. Other than it being anxiety-inducing, you don’t want to give away your power.

Yes, even if they’re giving you mixed signals, being flirty, or affectionate. If they wanted to be with you, they would. No excuses.

If you tell them how you feel, you’re giving them the opportunity to see the kind of power they held over you. Instead, reach out to a friend you trust and talk to them. You can also try journaling or talking to a professional and and working through your feelings surrounding it. Whoever you choose to talk to or whatever practice you engage in, getting these feelings off your chest will allow you to gain that fresh perspective and accept the reality of the situation.

Ultimately, it’s not our life experiences that define us, but how we choose to respond to different situations and circumstances. So you were in love with someone, and they didn’t or couldn’t reciprocate your feelings. That doesn’t mean that you wasted your love.

It just means they weren’t the right fit for you either. View the experience as a learning opportunity and a chance to go all in on boosting your self-esteem by living your life right now to the absolute full!

How to Change Your Life in 4 Steps

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When you’re in a place in your life that feels stagnant, unfulfilling and something needs to change, I completely understand how overwhelming this can seem. I’ve recently gone through some major life changes, many of which have been self-implemented because like you might be feeling now, I knew something had to shift!

There are so many areas of our lives, but what I’ve come to understand, is that everything is connected. Yes, we have our relationships/dating lives, our careers and our health, which we can certainly work on individually – and it can be helpful to break things down to avoid overwhelm. However, when we take the steps to change one thing, it tends to ripple into all of these other areas. If we’re miserable in our relationship, it will impact our health and if we hate our job, it’s likely we’re not going to be the best partner or potential partner.

So today, I’m going to share my own insights on what it really takes to change your life!

Know When it’s Time to Take a Leap

Whilst perseverance is a quality that serves us in many ways, it’s important to know when it’s time to step away. If you’re in a relationship that you know drains you or no matter what you do, nothing seems to change, it’s time to get out of that. If you’re in a job or career that continues to make you miserable, now is the time to consider other options – and take this as your sign!

I’m certainly not saying walk out or quit today as I appreciate each situation is unique. In a relationship, you might have kids with your partner and that obviously needs to be taken into account, and I’m not going to tell you to leave your job with no plan. This is about setting that intention and then make the plan.

As one of my copywriting clients, who is also a valued mentor of mine and whose wisdom has had a profound impact on my life, Julie Murphy would say “You have to be relentless in what you want to create”. She also talks about the fact that when we continue on a path that is totally misaligned, something else suffers along the way. I have experienced this myself and I’m sure you can relate!

So, if there is a part of your life that you know, in your gut, needs to change, once you make that decision, have that conversation or put the plan in action, the sooner you free yourself emotionally of the shackles it’s creating. It’s also amazing how suddenly the opportunities, people or circumstance seem to line up to support the decision!

Change Your Perspective

When we feel stuck in a rut or are desperate to create change, it’s easy to fall into the negative mindset of looking at everything that’s going wrong.

You’ll perhaps know, I’m very much into the Law of Attraction and it’s certainly true that our thoughts and words reflect our world! In recent months, I’ve made a major life change and previous to this, I’m not ashamed to say, I was totally miserable! I felt like I was suffering and that is exactly what I created in my life. I decided once and for all to take a leap of faith and from that moment, focused solely on what I wanted and not what I didn’t want. I took new actions and therefore created new opportunities. My life has changed in ways I couldn’t have imagined in 2 months as a result of this!

When you take a different perspective and look at the situation through a more positive, proactive lens, you switch your brain into a creative gear and find yourself coming up with all kinds of ideas and solutions. Plus, you feel better!

Don’t Do It Alone

Oftentimes, a little help and encouragement from others can do wonders for creating and continuing momentum! Seek that support from people who you trust have your back and best interests at heart and try not to be afraid of speaking up about what you’re going through. Don’t feel like you have to do this alone!

You also can’t underestimate the power of surrounding yourself with people who either embody how you want to grow yourself, are doing or have done what you want to do, or are just supportive, fun, uplifting people! If you’re reading this article, the chances are something in your life isn’t working and so you have to be incredibly intentional. It doesn’t necessarily mean changing the people who are in your life now (unless any of these relationships perpetuate a suffering cycle), but spending time with those people who don’t involve themselves in gossip or negativity, and instead are in pursuit of their own goals or just feel good to be around!

In contrast though, be firm about the changes you want to make. While taking on board the guidance and opinion of others can be helpful, you know what’s right for you and have belief and confidence in that. If someone makes you doubt yourself, tune out and stay in your own lane!

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Taking Steps!

Taking steps can be daunting, but even just doing one thing in the direction that you want to go, and that pushes you out of your comfort zone is immensely powerful!

Don’t be afraid to send that email or pick up the phone and ask about the opportunity, take a leap of faith and go on the date, post your new venture online, do something different that signifies the change you want to make. As I’ve spoken about before, rewiring the neural pathways by thinking different thoughts and taking different actions, by shaking things up, you’re rewiring your brain and body and training it for the ‘new’.

Decide that this is your ‘new’ and challenge yourself to keep taking those small steps. You don’t have to do it all at once and let me tell you, it gets addictive when you feel so damn good after you do it!

If you’re reading this, you know it’s time to make that change. Go for it and don’t look back!

How to Build Resilience

One day you’re going about your life, and the next, it feels as if everything is falling apart. Whether it’s a gut-wrenching heartbreak or a devastating event, you are left in the aftermath of what feels like an utter disaster. Your mind, your body, your everyday life, as a result, can seem unbearable. And for a short period of time that’s completely normal. After all, psychological pain is no less than any other form of pain. Therefore, we need to give our minds the time and space to process the hurt. But—we don’t want to stay down too long.

The truth is, we cannot control life. Sometimes, it takes a surprising turn, leaving us to deal with the fallout of it all. If we are ill-equipped, we will struggle to get back up. That may look like dwelling the incident forever, becoming consistently overwhelmed, or turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as co-dependency, alcohol, food - a number of different things. But it can be truly detrimental to one’s wellbeing; hence, the key to ensuring you’ll be able to cope with difficult circumstances is by building resilience.

Resilience is the ability to adapt to challenging situations. It allows you to harness your existing inner strength in the face of adversity and to cope with unpredictable circumstances from a position of power. Below, I have listed concrete steps you can take to build resiliency.

Foster Wellness

It’s so important to lay the foundations for a healthy lifestyle as it will help improve your mental health, physical health, spiritual health and builds resilience. The mind and body are deeply connected, and stress is just as much physical as it is emotional. Thus, balanced nutrition, proper sleep, hydration, and consistent exercise will improve your ability to adapt to stress and reduce the toll of difficult emotions.

On the note of physical health, if you’re keen to look a little more closely into what factors could be impacting how you’re feeling, I highly recommend you checkout letsgetchecked.com. I have used them many times (I don’t like to promote anything I haven’t personally used) to test things such as my hormone health and potential vitamin deficiencies and it’s always proved incredibly helpful to get that extra insight. If you’re keen to try it out, I have a 30% discount code. Just type in LAURAY30 in the discount box upon checkout.

Build your Connections

As a society, we value individuality and overcoming adversity on our own. But research shows that people with a support system manage difficult situations better than those without a support system. If you don’t currently have many connections, that’s ok. Take the time to write down your interests and join various local groups to build your personal community. Surrounding yourself with kind, empathic, supportive people will definitely foster resilience. If you’re really struggling and feeling lost, you can take a look at my one-on-one packages here.

Be Proactive

Personal growth is a challenge for all of us, and it can seem incredibly daunting if you’re just starting out. And that’s ok. Take a deep breath and write down a few realistic goals and do something daily to move towards that goal—even if it seems small.

A few extra resources I’d like to share. If you need a boost, take a look at my 6 Steps to Unshakeable Confidence & Self-Esteem Audio. This audio will encourage you to move towards self-discovery and give you the confidence you need to be proactive in your own journey. If there’s something specific you’re struggling with, consider my Personalised Rewiring Audio Recording, which will be customised to your needs. The purpose of these audio recordings is to support you on a daily basis as consistent practice is proven to build resilience.

Laura x 

Effective Ways to Tackle Stress

Image source - Pixabay - CC0 License

I know all too well about the feeling of stress and the impact it can have on our mind and body. Stress can become a part of our daily lives at any point, especially at this moment in time with everything going on in the world. If we’re not careful to identify where it’s showing up, it can gradually become something we barely realise is occurring.

With an endless list of things to do, more time to do it, and the worry of finances, our jobs, our loved ones and romantic relationships, we can start to feel the many symptoms that stress can bring on. This manifests within all of us in different ways but some of the most common things are feeling tired, irritated, angry and even physical symptoms such as headaches and nausea.

With that in mind, I’ve collated a few simple and accessible techniques and methods you can try that will promote a better sense of calm and wellbeing. I’m a big fan of all of them myself and encourage you to give them a go.

Exercise

Exercising regularly has been proven to help improve mood and the way you feel. Increasing your heart rate and the rate you pump blood around your body also has a positive impact on your hormone levels by way of releasing endorphins and adrenaline into your body. For me, I know exercise really helps to clear my mind and regain a better perspective on the challenge I’m facing.

(That said, it’s also important - and totally ok to rest if this what you feel you need too - listen to your intuition.)  

Yoga

No, you probably didn’t hear it here first but Yoga is powerful. Bringing the focus back to your breathing and clearing your mind of any negative energy is incredibly healing and soothing. Yoga is something that you can easily do from your living room, thanks to online resources and YouTube videos.

Meditation

Taking the properties of yoga one step further you might want to try meditating. You all know I’m a big fan of this one too. Meditation is like yoga for the mind; providing clarity and focus. Meditation might seem like a strange thing to start, but once you become used to doing it, you will absolutely love and feel the benefits.

The use of essential oils

Essential oils are a wonderful way to alleviate stress. Certain scents such as Lavender can help relax your mind while Chamomile can ease you into a relaxing sleep. Essential oils can be added to baths, candle burners and diffusers and they small divine! I always have something burning at home and find it a great comfort.

Hygge

The Danish principal Hygge has burst onto the scene in the past few years. The Danish are renowned for their happy nature and this is largely due to their practice of Hygge. It’s all about being cozy, relaxed and enjoying time with friends and family. Creating that sense of ‘togetherness’. Lighting candles, low lighting, enjoying hot chocolates and curling up in front of a warm fire. Appreciating the good and simple things in life! I adore this concept and try to incorporate it into my life. Even whilst social distancing you can still practice virtual Hygge with your friends and family.

I hope these have offered you some practical ideas. Even just incorporating one into your daily routine can make a profound difference in how you feel.

Love,

Laura xx

Tips for Getting Through Isolation During Coronavirus

Hi there! It’s been a while since I’ve been on the blog and social media as have been focused on working with clients, but after everything that’s been going on in the world, I really wanted to connect with you.

I don’t know about you (I’m sure you feel the same) but living in this time of coronavirus has certainly thrown me through somewhat of a loop. I spent the first few days when things really escalated here in the UK glued to the news to check in on updates and whilst I like to be aware and informed, it ultimately created more overwhelm and anxiety. I’ve therefore detached a little, trying to focus on my wellbeing, not getting too immersed in any of the fear-mongering and planning ahead with a positive mindset. Whilst still being cautious and sensible of course.

One tip I have for you, is to be especially mindful of what media you’re consuming. Whilst we all want to keep on top of the major updates, it’s important to set limits and avoid spending all our time getting too sucked in to the bad news and scary statistics that only serve to fuel anxiety and fear. This goes for social media too - be diligent of how much you’re scrolling and how that’s making you feel. Fill your feed with messages of empowerment, optimism and creativity.

I know we could all do with some positivity and ways to use the time we’re spending in isolation consciously and productively. So, I thought I would share some ideas and resources. All of which I’m implementing myself.

1) Get dressed and ‘ready’ for the day. I’ve been working from home for around 10 years now and I can’t stress how much it improves my day when I put on a good outfit and do my hair and makeup. It changes your physiology and mindset completely.

2) Learn something new. I’m signed up to Duolingo learning Spanish and also signing up for a few courses on Udemy and FutureLearn. Many of these are free. It’s important to keep your brain as engaged as possible and learning something new rewires those old neural pathways.

3) Find creative ways to date! Whilst dating as we knew it is on hold, all is not lost! It’s about getting creative. Set up FaceTime dinner, drink or coffee dates. Take inspiration from Love Is Blind (so addictive right?!) and practice fine-tuning your communication skills to get the most out of conversations. Netflix is also offering a ‘watch together’ feature, meaning people in two different locations can watch the same film or show together.

Here’s someone who has got it right! I love love love this thread on Twitter by Nina Sawetz! https://twitter.com/nina_future/status/1240257957050437632)

(Thanks to Saskia for bringing my attention to this!)

4) How to navigate relationships during the coronavirus. My favourite relationship expert Esther Perel in this NY Times article says that couples will need to be mindful of the different ways in which they process and react to crisis. We can’t deny that all relationships will be tested, and many will come out stronger for that.

5) How to deal with a breakup and reaching out to your ex. The urge to contact your ex might be heightened right now as it’s a particularly triggering time. Ultimately that is an individual choice and there is no right or wrong thing to do. However, I encourage you before you reach out, to carefully assess how this could impact your mental health. The current coronavirus situation doesn’t change what happened or went wrong to cause the breakup. Your ex won’t have changed as a result of it. It’s wise to be even more cautious of contact because if your ex reacts (or doesn’t react) in a way that causes you stress or anxiety, being in self-isolation can exacerbate this feeling. 

Those reasons that led the relationship to break down still exist. Is there a friend or family member that you can talk to instead when you’re tempted to call or text your ex? Someone who can help you see a new perspective? Really try and intercept that old thought pattern and habit and although it feels painful and often heartbreaking, follow up with a different action. This is the only way to truly break the cycle and create the distance you need.

This quiet time that you have although feels uncomfortable, is a chance to really take care of your mental and emotional health when it comes to your ex and to use social distancing to your advantage.

6) Read. Here is my library list over the past year or so. It’s a small portion of what I have read but might give you some inspiration! I’m hugely into psychological thrillers (it appeases my inner criminal psychologist!) and anything by Marian Keyes for soul-soothing humour, but do read non-fiction regularly too. The reason why I mainly opt for fiction is to enable my brain to switch gears and get engrossed in a juicy plot. Some might advise that you steer clear of reading or watching anything that isn’t upbeat but you do YOU!

Some of my top non-fiction books include -:

- The Artist’s Way – Julia Cameron

- The Power of your Subconscious Mind – Dr Joseph Murphy

- Big Magic – Elizabeth Gilbert

- I Love You And I’m Leaving Anyway – Tracy McMillan

- The Four Agreements -  Don Miguel Ruiz

And I have to give the book Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine a mention too. Probably the best book I read in 2019.

7) Rewire and heal. Having this quiet time is a huge opportunity for working through old subconscious beliefs that are negatively impacting your emotional and physical health. Whilst you’re out of your regular routine, it’s an optimal time to start. This week, I’m going to create a free resource for you on the steps you can take to do this!

8) Pamper yourself. At home spa day - yes please! Not only is this soothing but taking care of yourself shows your subconscious that you feel worthy and deserving of feeling good.

9) Laugh! Whilst the coronavirus is something to be taken very seriously, it’s important to find humour in our everyday. Laughing strengthens the immune system and is crucial for wellbeing and vitality. One of my favourite accounts to check out is Jackie Schimmel and her podcast The Bitch Bible. If you’re in the UK, Vic and Bob - especially their old material, are who I turn to when I need a really good laugh (though they’re an acquired humour - you either love ‘em or hate ‘em) and anything by Chris Lilley. I’m rewatching Lunatics right now - again, not for everyone but works for me! Just find something to make you laugh and see how much better you feel - even if it is momentarily.

10) Keep active at home. Here are some of my go-tos -:

PopSugar

Boho Beautiful

Yoga with Adrienne

Georgie Spurling

TIP: If you are loyal to your local yoga/Pilates/fitness class, reach out to your teachers and see if they are offering Zoom or Skype classes. I know many are in my local area.

11) Sign up for a challenge. There are some lovely art focused ones here -:

https://mymodernmet.com/coronavirus-quarantine-art-club/

A nice writing one here -:

https://www.scribendi.com/advice/30_day_writing_challenge.en.html

And a mindfulness one here -:

https://mindfulnessexercises.com/free-online-mindfulness-courses/28-day-mindfulness-challenge/

Mend also has some fantastic online classes that I highly recommend: https://classes.letsmend.com/

12) Sort out your wardrobe. Prepare for your comeback in style! Clearing out your wardrobe and committing to only keeping things that you feel fantastic in and that fit you, will help remove any stagnancy you feel in this area. None of us are going to be out socialising much or probably buying as many clothes so it’s also a nice way to experiment with styling your existing pieces differently. I love Lauryn Messiah on IG and Laura Blair on YouTube for style tips!

13) To Watch. Take some time to watch this YouTube video with Aubrey Marcus and Joe Dispenza on creating the future you want. It’s powerful.

14) Take care of YOU. I bet there’s been a time in your life where you craved time alone, to be able to operate in your day to day with a slower pace? Now is that time. Everyone is in the same boat so there’s no FOMO to be had and it really is an opportunity to focus on you and all pillars of your health. Rest, recuperate, recharge, eat well, hydrate, meditate, journal, set up that business, retrain your brain to change the old ‘DVD’, connect with loved ones via Skype or FaceTime, workout, sleep and get things done that will lead to a sense of accomplishment.

If you need extra support, I’m offering discounts on my 1:1 coaching during this time of self-isolation, so please reach out to me on laurayatescoaching@gmail.com and we can talk it through.

It’s all going to be ok and try to keep in mind that this is temporary. It will get better. For now, let’s do what we can with what we have.

Please do share any tips you have in the comments! Let’s all be there for each other.

Love,

Laura x

How to Deal with Heartbreak (And Rewire Your Thoughts) this Christmas

The holidays are a time of year that can be particularly triggering after heartbreak. It’s why we see so many articles and posts floating around the internet with titles including ‘How to Survive Christmas After a Breakup’ or ‘How to Make the Most of Being Single at Christmas’. Don’t get me wrong, there is often good advice and wisdom shared in such articles (I probably wrote something similar years ago!), but as my work is all about reprogramming, my aim with this is to hopefully shed a different light on it. 

There is nothing about Christmas that you need to ‘survive’ 

First of all, it’s about removing words like ‘survive’ out of your vocabulary. If you’re seeing yourself at a disadvantage because you happen to be single at Christmas, you’re setting yourself up for failure from the get-go. It isn’t about refusing to acknowledge that you might be hurting or feeling lonely at times. It’s about choosing how you view where you are right now. It isn’t something to be survived because the immediate association with that is pain and struggle.

Something that you can choose instead, is to reframe it to ‘How can I thrive this Christmas?’

Given everything that you’re feeling and going through right now, what do you need to thrive? What do you need to feel good? I like to work across 4 pillars; our emotional health, spiritual health, mental health and physical health. What do you need to tend to these 4 areas? These can be things like making sure you’re spending some time with friends and family and challenging yourself to get into the spirit of the holiday. It can also be ensuring you’re taking time to be grateful for everything and everyone you have around you. It could be being mindful that you’re still moving your body, hydrating and eating well. Really, it’s about committing to yourself (not your ex – you!) and making that choice every single day - Christmas or not. 

You are not defined by your relationship

It’s also important to remember that your relationship status doesn’t define you. We’re somehow programmed to believe that if we’re not in a relationship, we don’t get to enjoy occasions like holidays as much as everyone else (thanks to all those Christmas films right?!). It’s time to dismantle that old belief and to know that you are worthy of fun, enjoyment and happiness regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or not. It’s about really tuning into your thoughts and identifying those subconscious beliefs. Be mindful of how much attention you’re paying them because what you dwell on only expands.

Set Your Boundaries

An area that has also come up with clients recently, is the pressure we can be subject to from family and friends. This is a good way to work your boundary muscle and to know that the only expectations that really matter are your own - and ones that feel truly aligned and not from a place of ‘should’. If you feel under pressure to talk about your relationship status or dating life, you have to power to steer that conversation in a way that is honest and brings a sense of calm.

One client of mine who has busted through so many blocks when it comes to her sense of self and relationships over the past few months, has really felt the pressure in the past and was nervous about her annual Christmas meal with friends. Typically they press her for dating ‘stories’ and information - you know how it goes! She graciously navigated this by explaining that although a relationship is something she wants in the future, right now, her main priority is her own happiness and emotional wellbeing. She explained that yes, she is dating but her relationship status isn’t the nucleus of her life – because it isn’t. There’s no drama or crazy stories and she’s finding new joy with it by just going with the flow.

She did this from a place of true honesty and it encouraged authentic conversations with her friends – who were also curious about the magnetism they’ve noticed she’s exuding lately!

The result was that she felt relaxed, at ease and enjoyed the evening so much more!

What makes you happy?

Your main focus this Christmas is finding what makes you happy. This is true whatever the time of year. If you are looking to date, get out there and date! But don’t do it from a place of fear, pressure or because your ex is. If you want a relationship in 2020, this is great! But instead of believing it’s all about the right app, events and strategies (this is really just 5% of the equation), make a new commitment to yourself first. Work on your subconscious beliefs because we can only get what we want when we truly address what’s going on beneath the surface.

When we figure out what type of shadow is impacting our sense of self, self-worth and habits in relationships and start taking different actions, that’s when everything changes. You will be amazed at the people, love and experiences that start to show up in your life. You radiate a sense of magnetism - relationship or not.

Relax as much as you can and know that Christmas really, is just a time of year. Enjoy it for what it is and believe that when you make that true commitment to yourself, there is so much ahead for you in 2020!

I for one am sending you so much love over the holidays. I also just want to thank you all as always, for your support, comments and DMs - it is appreciated so very much and I am grateful for each and every one of you. I have so much great content in the works for you ready to launch next year and am excited about what it’s going to bring!

Laura x

4 Practical Tips for Finding a New Home After A Breakup

Knowing how to navigate moving out of the home you share with your ex following a breakup can be incredibly overwhelming. Thinking logically and practically whilst also going through the myriad of emotions can really take its toll.

This guest post walks you through the steps on how to find a new home post breakup; minimising the stress that can come along with it.

After a tough breakup, one of the last things you feel ready to tackle is finding a new home.

And not just because it’s emotionally difficult to move out of a space you shared with a partner. Finding housing, deciding whether to rent or buy, furnishing your new space - it’s all logistically exhausting, not to mention expensive.

But the thing is...at some point, it’ll have to be done. And once you’re in that new space, you’ll have a clean slate on which to create new memories, new friendships, new patterns, and new relationships.

With that in mind, here are 4 practical tips for finding a new home after a breakup.

Don’t let your emotions do the driving.

When you’re hurting, it can be hard to keep your emotions from getting involved in the decision-making.

Maybe you always dreamt of having a home complete with a white picket fence, or one that was in a certain historic part of town, or had dormer windows like you remember from your childhood home.

If you can find a new home like this that’s in your price range, go for it! But that’s the key: it has to be in your price range.

It’s all too tempting, especially when we’re reeling from a major life change like a breakup, to convince ourselves that we can spend just a bit more than we know we should. While you might get some fleeting, surface-level happiness from being in your over-budget dream home for a month or two, the stress and anxiety of spending more per month than you can afford will eat away at your joy for a whole lot longer.

Mortgage and rent calculators can be a useful tool to show you how much home you can actually afford.

Be open to both renting and buying.

Just because you were planning on buying a home by the time you turned (insert your age here!), doesn’t mean that that plan still fits you.

After a breakup, it’s important to explore all your options when it comes to housing - even if that means staying with your parents or a friend for a few weeks while you figure out the next step.

In some cases and some markets, renting will make more sense for you, even if you previously owned a home.

Renting vs buying depends on a lot of factors, from how much you have saved, to whether you have the time to spend on home maintenance. You’ll need to decide what you’re comfortable with based on your unique, beautiful situation.

Consult with an expert.

There’s nothing like getting professional advice when you’re trying to make a big decision, especially if it’s one that you feel trepidation about making alone.

A great advisor or real estate agent can be a major asset, not only in helping you actually find your new home, but also in helping you narrow down suitable locations, decide whether renting or owning makes more sense and figuring out the ins and outs of getting a mortgage, home inspection, etc.

Take care of yourself.

Searching for a new place to live after you’ve been living with a partner can be heart-wrenching. It’s easy to feel as though you’re starting over from square one.

But while you are starting over, you’re definitely not at square one. You’ve taken another step in evolving into who you are meant to be. Honour those difficult feelings you’re having, while also recognising the growth that’s you’re going through by spending time doing the things that nourish your soul.

Finding a new home after a breakup is hard, but you can absolutely do it. By not letting your emotions make financial decisions, getting help when you need it, and caring for yourself throughout the process, you’ll be well on your way to creating a home that speaks to you—the amazing, beautiful person that you’re just getting to know again.

7 Ways to Rewire Your Thoughts and Change Your Life After Heartbreak

Photo by Lucas Sankey on Unsplash

Learning how to rewire my thoughts and subconscious has been absolutely instrumental in healing from heartbreak.

Think of rewiring like reprogramming. Many of us believe that we’re inherently destined for a certain outcome or way of being. We might have thoughts and beliefs such as:

‘I always attract the wrong people’

‘I’ll never get over my ex’

‘I’ll never be good enough’

What’s important to know, is that no matter who you are, what you’ve been through and how you feel right now, those thought loops, those ways of existing can be changed. The reason it feels so part of you; so engrained, is because that old ‘DVD’ has been playing for months or probably years.

Past traumas or events - such as a devastating breakup, have created memories - conscious and subconscious, which have imprinted themselves in your brain, body and nervous system. That’s why it can feel impossible to move on from because they all feel like an innate part of you.

Here are 7 ways to break that cycle and finally find your way to emotional freedom and happiness.

1) Trust that you can heal

Right now, you might feel sceptical that things can change. Uncertain that you’ll ever get over your ex, that you can move on from this heartbreak. I get it, I’ve been there. But you need to focus on the small part of you that believes things can change - that you can move on and find happiness. The very fact that you’re on this page, reading this right now, means you are open to it. That is the first part of rewiring. To let go, have faith and trust. Hold onto that because it provides the gateway for your healing to begin!

2) Know that you don’t need your ex (or anyone) for closure

You might feel that to make everything better, all you need is your ex to come back. Or for them to apologise and give you answers and explanations. To give you closure. When your happiness and freedom is bound so rigidly to the actions of someone else, this keeps you trapped emotionally, physically and mentally.

I’m here to tell you – as a fact, that you have the power to create that closure right now for yourself. Your ex doesn’t hold the key to your happiness, your self-worth and value. You have to be willing to look far deeper than that - within yourself, and although it’s hard and it hurts, it’s such a beautiful lesson because it enables us to know how to always take responsibility for our own life and happiness.

3) Shock your system 

When your body, brain and heart is so entrenched in heartbreak, you need to shake up your routine and old habits (the ones that aren’t helping you at least). The reason for this goes far beyond the surface level of giving yourself new distractions just for the sake of keeping busy. The purpose, is to rewire those old neural pathways, which shocks the body and brain and offers it something else to focus its attention on.

If you get up at a specific time and immediately dwell on those thoughts that just won’t dissipate, try waking up a little earlier, get out of bed the other side and do something different than you usually do. Dry body brush and get your lymphatic system going, do some meditation, read or get your clothes on before you even have time to lay in bed and ruminate and go for a walk. Intentionally make a new choice.

Whenever we feel stuck and stagnant, we need to give ourselves a new task to focus on. Some people even do things like learning to write with their left hand if they’re right-handed.

For me, when I understood the science behind creating new routines from a neural plasticity perspective, it really helped motivate me to put these changes in action. It’s all about overriding that old ‘heartbreak DVD’ with a new one that supports this next phase of moving forwards.

4) Learn to expand your self-worth

When we’re so engulfed in heartbreak, it can completely strip our self-worth. Heartbreak can also trigger old wounds from our past and even childhood. The memory can act as a catalyst for past memories that we might have buried. Part of truly overcoming those is to find ways to expand on how we value ourselves. Look back on your relationship and life history and really get honest with yourself. Have you accepted people and situations where you were left feeling undervalued? Have you tried to gain validation by compromising your own needs and becoming a person you don’t even know? Has there been co-dependence at play?

This is why rewiring isn’t about ‘thinking positive’. To truly change - and to change for the long-term, we have to be brave and step out of character.

Your job now, is to give yourself what you needed when you didn’t receive it from your ex, a family member, a co-worker or anyone who has had an impact in your life. You have to value and treat yourself like you want to be treated by another person. You might not feel worthy of it, but stepping up for yourself right now at your lowest, in the way you might wish your ex would, is the only way to create a noticeable shift. It takes you from victim to victor and I assure you, it changes every aspect of your life.

5) Visualise

Like meditation we hear a lot about visualisation. But here’s the thing; the brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what you are imagining - when you’re at the stage of really feeling into the visualisation. Something I did during heartbreak (and do now for other aspects of my life), was to spend time every day visualising how it would feel to be happy. What would I be doing, who would I be spending time with, what kind of places would I visit, what would my friendships be like, what would my work be like, how would my health be? How would it feel to be free of the shackles of checking my phone 24/7 and sleepless nights?

In your visualisation, imagine what kind of person would you be if you were fully healed. How would you go about your day, who you would surround yourself with, what choices would you make, what boundaries would you have and act on?

The more consistently you do this, the more that feeling that you create during the visualisation starts to shift and seep into your everyday. I assure you, although this sounds a bit ‘fluffy’, don’t underestimate its power!

6) Find something greater than yourself

Whenever I've felt at my most vulnerable, broken and unsure, finding meaning in something bigger than myself is always what has seen me through. It's why I get so much fulfilment through this blog, my work as a coach and getting to connect with you all every day.

It's easy to get absorbed in our own stuff. An instant way to shake ourselves out of that, even for a few minutes, is to do one small thing to help someone else. Or to connect with someone else. Or to find a portal that gives us some kind of bigger meaning outside of our own problems. To get curious about the world, to try something different.

Don't wait until you feel completely healed, happy or whole. Do it now, because it will assure you that no matter where you are or what you're going through, you still matter, you still have impact and you have so much unique value in the world. It's then that you will start to feel healed, happy and whole.

When you can find something - anything, outside of yourself, you always know that whatever happens, you're going to be ok.

7) Intercept the thought loop

When you feel those all too familiar thoughts that send you plummeting, stop them in their tracks by literally saying to yourself “Stop”.

Notice the thought, don’t judge it. Just observe it and recognise it as that old thought that served you at one point maybe, but now you’re exhausted by. Choose a new thought that’s a few notches above that old one on the emotional scale.

As an example, the old thought could be:

‘It’s so unfair fair that he/she has moved on so quickly. Why do they get to be so happy and I’m the one still heartbroken??!!’

 The new one could be:

‘They’ve moved on and I don’t feel great about it. But I know the more I dwell on that the more I’m keeping myself stuck. I know that I have to take full responsibility for how I move forwards now. It has nothing to do with my ex and I can at least feel good about knowing that I have the power to change.’

That might be a bit long-winded but you can see where I’m going with it! The more you take inventory of those old thoughts that tempt you back into that dark, stagnant place and choose new ones that support you moving on, the more you will rewire that old DVD.

I really hope you’ve found these tips helpful. I’ll end by sharing a quote by one of my biggest inspirations Dr. Joe Dispenza, which perfectly summarises what this post is about.

“To change is to think greater than how we feel. To change is to act greater than the familiar feelings of the memorized self.” 

Let me know if you put these tips into practice! I’d love to hear.

Love,

Laura x

If you are interested in taking this work further, I work privately with people 1:1 and within that, I create powerful guided reprogramming audios tailored to what you’re going through. If you would like to work with me on a bespoke basis you can get in touch here or book here.  

How to Move Through Heartbreak with Grace

As we all know, the process of heartbreak is messy. What I’ve learnt though, is that there are many ways where we can move through heartbreak with grace, whilst still honouring the pain, shame, the lows and the myriad of emotions that we might be feeling.

When we think of the word ‘grace’, we typically see it as something physical. What immediately springs to my mind is a ballerina or someone who just seems to move with elegance. You all know someone like that I’m sure! What I’ve come to understand though, is that grace is so much more - it isn’t something that’s just physical. It’s an essence we exude and embody on an energetic level.

What moving through heartbreak with grace isn’t, is pretending everything is ok, burying down all the hurt and sadness and painting a smile on our face that crumbles as soon as we’re alone.

What it is, is being fully aware and conscious of how we’re choosing to react or respond to a situation. It doesn’t mean that the situation isn’t any less painful, but it means that we’re taking a step back and choosing to just observe what’s going on as opposed to reacting to it.

A classic example could be seeing your ex on social media with someone else. Although this feels shitty and painful, instead of frantically texting them demanding to know how they could do this to you and seeking answers, or then retaliating by posting pictures of yourself on social media that are completely inauthentic, you decide instead, to remove yourself from the emotional drama of reactivity. You choose not to engage in their social media or remind yourself that if you do see something, it isn’t a reason to reach out. You stay in your grace.

As I said before, it doesn’t mean pretending you are fine with it - it’s going to hurt. But harnessing that sense of grace is about taking a step back and therefore taking your power back. Reacting on impulse completely depletes us of our power. This has been a really tough lesson for me to learn, which is why the word ‘grace’ is one I try to ground myself in on a daily basis.

Grace also helps us to truly understand our worth. When we choose to observe the pain we’re in - and this can be romantic, in our work, with friends or any life situation, it helps us to actually deal with that pain and go inwards to figure out what we need to grow through it. Healthy ways to deal with that pain. So instead of texting your ex, you might choose to journal it out instead or speak to someone about how you’re actually feeling. It isn’t about putting on a brave face, refusing to cry or feeling like you have to hold it together to the outside world. It’s about getting clear on your triggers and to actively decide to stop participating in any drama that fuels them.

Being graceful also means not trying to force things. No matter how much you try and get answers from your ex, you will never get the ones you want or that will help you heal when you’re coming from a place of reactivity. By stepping back and just allowing your ex to do their thing, by stopping keeping tabs on them and staying in your lane, you will learn to see that you will be ok. You will get perspective and in time, that urge won’t feel any near as potent. You will start to feel more worthy, more deserving and more indifferent to the whole situation. It creates that detachment you’ve been looking for.

Ultimately, you’re re-wiring your subconscious mind to learn a new level of strength. One that you weren’t even aware you had. This also filters in to so many areas of your life. It isn’t about sitting back and being completely passive to life and people. You can (and should!) still have boundaries, but stepping away or saying no or having confronting conversations won’t be rooted in drama or feelings of insecurity, unworthiness and angst.

Finding grace is often about slowing down. Reconnecting and moving through the emotions you’re feeling as opposed to bulldozing through them and trying to keep as ‘busy’ as possible.

This is a quick post but I know this concept of embodying grace in all areas of my life has really helped me and I hope these ideas have helped you too. I’d love to hear in the comments about what grace means to you!

Laura xx

How to Bounce Back From Being Cheated On

I’ve been asked a few times to write a post on this topic. How to cope with being cheated on.

I will share a quote from an email I received that very accurately represents how it feels when in this situation:

“You end up feeling stupid and naive and wondering over and over how and why you didn't see it coming....even though you couldn't have (seen it coming I mean) and it could have happened to anyone. Despite that, you still feel stupid for having been taking advantage of. That pretty much sums up how I feel about being cheated on.”

Being cheated on, lied to or betrayal in any form, is so hard to move on from because it means we question everything about ourselves and our own judgement.

After all, we allowed ourselves to trust, maybe even allowed ourselves to feel good. To feel happy. We went all in with this person and the cheating or dishonesty is only evidence to show that we can never let our guard down again. We can never allow ourselves to feel happy again. We can never trust again.

That’s a scary potential fate to face. It’s probably the hardest part about getting over being cheated on.

First of all, it’s important to know that cheating or any kind of abuse of trust in a relationship can happen to anyone. We can get blindsided. There are times when we just don’t see it coming.

People who feel the need to cheat often have pre-existing issues that cause them to do this. There can be so many reasons - the need for validation, a lack of emotional maturity, commitment issues - the list goes on. Cheating is often rooted in deep insecurity.

I’m not making excuses for it, and it sounds somewhat stoic but taking a more stoic approach can really help in this kind of situation. It’s almost like we have to take the emotion out of it - even for just a few moments and see the true picture for what it is.

Those issues have absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person. It’s merely just an indication of their capacity to function in a healthy relationship. It doesn’t make you less worthy, less attractive, less intelligent, less deserving or less valuable as a person. It also doesn’t make you a victim.

It isn’t your fault that this happened. Let go of that idea.

However, how you choose to see it now and where you go from here is 100% your responsibility.

I’m a huge believe in the idea of ‘like attracts like’. In short, you get what you put out there. If someone cheated on you, that’s the level they’re playing at and what they deserve in return at this moment.

If you went all in and were able to hold the space for a healthy, loving, respectful relationship with that person, you’re just on a different level. I don’t mean that to sound like you’re a ‘better’ person as that’s not what it’s about; we all have our own pathways to become the best person we can. And it’s mostly ongoing. Your ex (or whoever this person was) just wasn’t on that same frequency as you.

You deserve for your attention and your energy to be matched. Only when you do the re-wiring to believe that and embody it in your thoughts and actions though, will that be reflected back to you.

(It doesn’t mean that you have to go and find a new relationship now if you don’t feel ready to. Getting over being cheated on takes healing and time. That’s more than ok and to be honoured. But don’t spend any more time dwelling on judging yourself and investing emotions into thinking about the other person and why they did what they did.)

Again, I know that sounds so simple but don’t you think that when you frame it that way and see it for what it is, it instantly elevates you from feeling like a victim to someone who holds way more power than they thought?

To keep reminding yourself of that perspective is a practice you have to keep repeating consistently if you’re struggling to get over being cheated on. It’s like you have to rewire your brain and your thoughts until it seeps into your belief system.

Oftentimes (and when I speak to clients this is usually the case), there’s a part of them that knew something was up. There was that little, very subtle niggle that was overlooked. Excuses were made and things were let slide.

This betrayal is therefore a blessing (I know, I know – I used to roll my eyes too when I heard that but hear me on this!) because although you’re suffering the hurt and emotional aftermath, it can teach you that your gut instinct knows what’s up! Sometimes we have to face these lessons that force us to trust in our inner knowing a hell of a lot more.

Again, knowing this puts us in a place of power and it can hopefully teach us to act on those instincts next time a similar situation might arise. In love, life and relationships.

The worst thing we can do is become bitter after betrayal. To become closed, cold, wary and cut off. If you’re feeling hurt in this moment and really don’t know what to do, show that same love, kindness and compassion that you invested into this past relationship into someone or something else. A friend, family member, loved one or just someone in need. Maybe a cause that means something to you. When you feel that sense of deep, sincere gratitude from someone else or something else, it instantly reminds you to stay on the path of who you are. It reminds you that it’s ok to feel happiness and that you don’t have to question yourself.

You’re not broken - far from it my friend :)

I hope you found value in this post and would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

I also just wanted to add, as you can probably tell from my posts, I’m a big fan of the power of neural rewiring techniques, practices and exercises to help heal from heartbreak and move through blocks. To cut through those negative thought loops that can keep us hung up on an ex and unable to move on.

I’ve been cultivating my own system for years and it’s had profound affects for me and also my private 1:1 clients. I’ve just launched a new way to work with me so you can experience these incredible shifts too.

Click below to find out more!

Love,

Laura x

PS You can listen to my podcast episode about cheating here.

How to Make Online Dating Fun

Photo by Kiwihug on Unsplash

•This is a guest post

There’s no denying it – online dating can feel like somewhat of a slog. Endless dates that don’t go anywhere, ghosting (although to be fair – that happens with offline dating too!), never being sure if the person’s profile is aligned to their real life persona, never even getting to the stage where you meet the person face-to-face!

Many people can feel like it’s a waste of time and become despondent.

So, this guest post is designed to get straight to the point on how to approach online dating with a curious and explorative mindset. Ultimately, how to make it as stress free and fun as possible!

Let’s get straight on with the tips.

 ●      Don’t Knock It Until You’re Sure

Don’t let anyone peer pressure you into signing up for any dating sites. I was told by friends a long time ago to sign up for a site because they thought I needed it and honestly, I didn’t feel the need for it then at all. So, don’t let anyone force you into signing up because if you aren’t interested, you will get bored soon and wonder why it’s not working. Get into the proper headspace before jumping on this ship because if you lose interest, the whole fun part of online dating is missing.

●      Work on Your Profile

The profile is everything, and you have to work on it since first impressions are everything. If you need some help, you can go through this best tinder bios article and you can use it on your profile on any online dating app.

Use a good photo, choose the right words for your bio and keep it interesting because after all, people will like you only when that bio catches their eye.

Keep your bio concise but interesting, and perhaps consider spending a little extra cash on getting the perfect photos - first impressions are everything. I mention my interests and hobbies in my bio because sometimes, these little details can start some great conversations.

●      Don’t Be Dishonest

Your bio has to contain the truth, if not the whole of it, then some of it, and lying is a strict no-no, on your end and theirs. I remember going on a date with a guy who said he liked Games of Thrones, and I was excited since I’m a fan and I thought this date would be fun and we could discuss some common fan theories. But turns out, he lied on his bio and thought he’d be interesting if he said so on his profile.

Now, I know this isn’t a big lie and not watching a popular show isn’t a huge deal breaker, but he didn’t have to lie to look interesting to people and then get caught in his lie—no one likes that.

●      Have Fun with Your Profile

That been said, don’t forget to keep your bio fun, after all, who likes reading a boring profile? Don’t just say, “Hi, I am Miley, I am 25 and I work as a banker”, it is so dull and it doesn’t even say who you are properly! Show some personality, show your fun side, mention your interest and even if it’s a quirky interest, who knows who might be attracted by that?

Don’t be too serious, you’re here to have fun, and I did learn this the hard way when I realized my brief, dry description wasn’t getting me any likes, and soon as I switched it up, I got to talk with some really cool people.

●      Indulge Your Curiosity

You can’t be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone every now and then. If someone looks interesting, even though if you think they aren’t your type, you don’t know how the date will end. I remember going on a date with this guy who collected vintage movie posters and did you know that Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo movie poster had hand-drawn typography inspired by German movies from the 20s? As an art enthusiast and mystery movie lover, this tidbit of information led to a second date at a screening of Vertigo that I enjoyed very much.

I’m not a classic movie person much, but now I have bookmarked Casablanca and I can’t wait to watch it.

●      Know What You Want

This is so crucial; you need to know what you want. You need to establish your boundaries and you need to let people know what your limits are as well. My teenage years were over, so now in my thirties, I knew what I wanted and most importantly, I knew what I didn’t want. This saved me a lot of trouble, I could understand right away which conversations weren’t happening and which dates won’t lead to anything else. I was here to have fun, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t pick and choose.

●      Learn to Handle Rejections

Rejection sucks, there are no two ways around it and I feel like it doesn’t stop stinging like a something spicy getting in your eye. You pretend it doesn’t bother you, but it does and no amount of cold water washes it away, but you learn to handle it. You have to learn how to handle it because as the old saying goes, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.

 Things can be a huge hit or miss when you start online dating and there will be good days, good dates and then there will be dates that will be the fodder for stories to share with your friends at three in the morning. Maybe, try it out and you never know - the outcome might surprise you! Remember, mindset is everything.

Why I've Scrapped the Dating Rulebook (Guest Post)

Photo by Ben Mater on Unsplash

I’m so excited to bring you this guest post - and how this came about is exactly why I love the internet!

A few months ago, I received a Facebook message from the author of this post, Jen. Jen so kindly expressed how much my work had resonated with her post-breakup and once we got chatting, it turned out she lives just up the road from me! So of course, we had to meet for coffee!

Jen has her own blog here (which you HAVE to read and bookmark!) and I absolutely loved the couple of hours that we spent together on that Sunday afternoon we met.

Jen is compassionate, fun, intelligent and on such an exciting path following her last breakup. She also radiates a beautiful healing quality. We had tons in common (there aren’t many people I can geek out about Human Design with!) and I knew I had to ask her to write a guest post.

From reading her blog and getting to know Jen, it was clear that her experience and insight will resonate with so many of you.

Jen decided to write about dating after a breakup and I love the wisdom she shares in the piece.

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did.

Thank you so much Jen 💖

Why I've Scrapped the Dating Rulebook

Dating can disarm and debilitate even the most rational and secure of us, sometimes leaving us feeling downright insane. And when our hearts are still hurting, we can easily find ourselves overwhelmed with emotions, doubting our decisions, and questioning whether we'll ever be ready to move on.

Once I started dating after my breakup, it wasn’t long until I found myself re-enacting the same predictable patterns of behaviour that had left me heartbroken and hating myself more times than I could count. But when I really took the time to reflect on my destructive thoughts, to identify my innate habits, and to recognise my deep-rooted fears and beliefs, I realised that my lack of romantic success had had nothing to do with being unlucky in love, and everything to do with being unconscious in love.

For years, I'd been compelled by a complex cumulation of historic hardwiring and past programming that had me using my relationships as a means of righting my wrongs, fixing my unhealed wounds, and filling my empty spaces.

I'd been so caught up in seeking external validation, so consumed with trying to master the art of playing hard to get, and so intent on finding 'the one' that I'd been failing to acknowledge my own needs in the process.

With a bottomless pit of dating advice never more than a click away, it's no wonder that we often spend so much time obsessing over the 'dos and don'ts' of dating. But if we allow our love lives to be dictated by a set of predefined rules designed to get someone’s attention, to make someone like us, or to keep someone interested, we’re never going to find what we’re looking for.

Because dating isn't about playing games. It’s about being curious. Curious about getting to know ourselves and another person. Curious about finding what works for us and what doesn’t. Curious about what we want and what we don’t. And curious about how to love ourselves, how to trust ourselves, and how to be ourselves.

What about if, instead of trying to get someone else to like us, we learned how to like ourselves? What about if, instead of trying to make someone else happy, we learned how to make ourselves happy? And what about if, instead of trying to play by the rules, we stopped playing altogether?

So it's time to do things differently. It's time to scrap the rulebook that's done nothing but let us down, to drop the dating advice that's done nothing but diminish our sense of self, and rewire the thought patterns that've done nothing but damage our wellbeing.

It's time to shift our definition of success away from finding 'the one', and back to being at peace with who we are, what we are, and where we are.

Because all we really need to be successful are these three simple promises. And, unlike the conventional guidelines around dating, these promises are for our happiness, and ours only.

1.     I promise to love myself.

For me, loving myself means putting myself first. It means creating healthy boundaries and sticking to them. And, most importantly, it means staying grounded in reality when confronted with the all-too-tempting black hole of fantasy and obsession.

So if you find yourself teetering on a cliff-edge, one misstep away from plummeting into the dark and dangerous depths of infatuation, bring yourself back to the present. Take a look around at what you already have. Don’t ditch your stable ground in favour of the murky and turbulent waters of a temporary escape. Because the climb back up is long and laborious, and who knows if those things that you left behind will still be waiting for you when you eventually return?

2. I promise to trust myself.

For most of my romantic life, I ordinarily and obediently overlooked the questionable behaviour of potential partners, convinced that their dismissiveness or disrespect was a reflection of their mood, rather than their character. Time and time again, I brushed off the sour crumbs left in their wake, and swept them neatly underneath the rug, never to be seen again. Or so I thought.

But the problem with living in denial is that those easily-ignorable pink flags eventually mutate into conspicuous and unavoidable blood-red canvases. And by the time they do, it’s too late. We’re already too invested in the fantasy. Too dazzled by the shiny newness. Too blinkered by our animal attachment drives. Too hooked on the delicious poison poured in through the holes created when our walls were torn down and our hearts cracked open.

So if you find yourself engaged in a painstaking war of the head vs. the heart - don’t listen to either. Instead, tune in to your inner wisdom. Connect with that omniscient knowing that resides deep within your gut. Trust your intuition. It’s there for a reason.

3. I promise to be myself.

As long as we’re always trying to hide, change, or conceal the parts of us that we don’t like, we’re never going to find someone who loves us for us. And we are lovable, exactly the way we are. Our mess is lovable. Our flaws are lovable. Our insecurities are lovable.

We are all achingly imperfect, devastatingly complex, yet beautifully unique. We are all human. And our anxieties, aspirations and afflictions - they make us who we are.

So embrace your quirks, your fears, your wounds. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Stay true to yourself and your values. Be unapologetically, unashamedly, authentically YOU.

And if someone doesn’t like you? Then they’re not for you.

How to Survive a Breakup: Guest Appearance on Velvet's Edge Podcast

Just to quickly let you know that I was recently a guest on the Velvet’s Edge podcast. If you’ve seen the reality show Very Cavallari (and I highly recommend if you haven’t!), this is Kelly Henderson’s podcast.

I first heard about Kelly’s podcast and blog via the show and love the topics she covers - think style, health, beauty, music, wellness. So good!

I reached out to Kelly to see if she might like to do a podcast on breakups and within a week it was recorded! Kelly was so lovely to speak to and we covered many important elements of getting through a breakup in the episode….

We talk what to do in those very first stages of a breakup, how to handle social media, using a breakup as a catalyst for positive growth and self-discovery and why men often have a harder time than women getting over a breakup.

Hope you can take something from it and you can listen in here!

Laura x

Why Won’t They Fight For Me?

Photo by Hunter Newton on Unsplash

This question comes up a lot in the messages I receive from people. They’ve come out of a breakup and typically, their ex was the one who maybe cheated or was engaging in behaviour that was disrespectful in some way. The person messaging me is the one who seemed to make all the compromises, sacrifices and bended their boundaries big time to try and make the relationship work.

The breakup happens and the person who acted in ways that hurt the other has now descended into victim mentality, wants to give up, even if the other person was willing to forgive and fight for the relationship.

 “What gives? Why won’t that person fight for me when I was willing to let go and forgive to save this relationship?!”

Although logically and intellectually we know that this kind of emotional dynamic isn’t one that will end well, on an emotional level it still hurts to know our ex doesn’t want to fight for us. It seems unfair and like we’ve completely lost control. We want to be the one who walks away with our crown in place and head held high but it feels like the only way we can feel valued is if our ex says ‘I want to fight for you, I’ll do anything it takes.’

When what they say is the opposite, or if they seem defeated, want to walk away and decline our offer of forgiveness, it hurts. 

What you always need to come back to is if the trust has gone on some level, no amount of ‘fighting’ will be able to erase that. Whilst relationships take work, communication and compromise, the need to ‘fight’ for a relationship is a huge red flag in itself. I think the idea of it has been glamorised in films, romantic novels and TV but in reality, there are too many people in the world out there who you can find a much more harmonious relationship with. It won’t be like a fight. It might not feel it now because you had so much pinned on that person and that relationship but that doesn’t mean you should need to fight to make it work, if it’s already broken. 

After a breakup, we also don’t have a clear perspective of the difference between what we want and what is good for us. They are two different things. When we’re so emotionally attached to someone, we think we might want to forgive and forget because we’re reacting from a place of heightened emotion. We’ll do anything to keep that person even if it means going way against our values and boundaries. The only way to see what is good for us on a soul level, is to create that emotional distance.

The remains of a relationship can’t be rebuilt on quicksand. If you’re not both in it with all your heart after both taking time to reflect and get perspective in a healthy way, your only choice is to walk. 

If the person who has cheated or done wrong in some way has lost the will to continue the relationship - whether they’re in denial or even if they do regret their behaviour, this is your green light to exit once and for all. That’s all you need to know.

Although it’s devastating when this happens and of course, our confidence can plummet because it feels so personal, you have to keep looking at the long-term, bigger picture.

Whilst you are in those raw times of hurt, sadness and feeling like you deserve more, have things like journaling, EFT (tapping), a support network and doing things that make you feel grounded and nurtured in place. But always be thinking of the future you who will be thriving when this period ends. Know that although it feels sh** now, you walked away from something with grace and dignity; knowing what is best for your highest self, even if you had to suffer the hurt in the short-term. 

Not fighting for someone or a relationship isn’t about fairness and it’s not about thinking we deserve it if we’ve put all the effort in. It’s awful when we’re cheated on and it’s natural to take it personally but when we look at it like a transaction e.g. I was the one cheated on, I’m willing to forgive so therefore I deserve to be fought for, it becomes more about our ego and needing that person to validate us rather than stepping out into the unknown and learning how to validate ourselves.

That is what you truly deserve - to set yourself free to live your life in alignment with your values and when you feel ready, find someone who you won’t have to fight for, who won’t engage in behaviour that compromises your boundaries. To be with someone that, you know, it feels a lot easier with and who you feel loved by and valued by 100% of the time! 

Walking away from something and someone that isn’t right will give you so much more self-worth than trying to be fought for by someone whose heart just isn’t in it. Or in a relationship dynamic that is broken and one-sided.

When your ex doesn’t give you what you feel you need, it’s the best lesson you can enrol in when it comes to confidence and self-love. Because you can learn how to give that to yourself. And that makes you truly unstoppable.  

Laura xx

Self-Care & Creating Healthy Habits with Jaime McLaughlin. New Bounce Back Podcast Episode

I wanted to pop on the blog and let you know that I have a new Bounce Back podcast episode out with self-care strategist (and expert in all things hair and beauty!) Jaime McLaughlin.

Jaime is the founder of The Mac House and let me tell you - she's the queen of all things bounce back. She's had quite a journey going from a single mother of 2 in her early 20's who found herself in a cycle of destructive relationships, to happily married, owning a successful business as a mum of 4 kids and doing what she loves.

Jaime gives some incredible advice on how to build resilience and we also talk beauty and style on a budget, motherhood (and how to find time for yourself even as a busy mum), creating healthy habits that set you up for the day, what self-care means from both an internal and external perspective and working through relationship struggles. 

Jaime is hugely talented in all things hair, makeup and beauty so this was a fun way for me to get some tips too ;)  You can listen in here.

I hope you enjoy and I'd love to know what your key takeaway from this episode was? Let me know in the comments!

Love,
Laura xx

Resources:

• Effective Ways to Handle Stress

• Tips for Getting Through Isolation

• Viva Day Spa