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Dreading Valentine’s Day? Here’s what to do….

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Image from http://www.refinery29.com/2016/02/102130/best-valentines-day-single-friends-memes

Ahh Valentine’s Day. To be honest, what you tend to see on social media and online when it comes to V Day these days is one of eye rolling and skepticism as opposed to love, hearts and flowers. This can be reassuring if you’re in a place of heartbreak or even single and hating it – there’s nothing like community to make you feel less alone. And I do agree that the commercial side of Valentine’s Day hypes it up to become something way beyond than what was intended.

Which is a day of love.

And yes, that might be with the emphasis on love with a significant other. But why not use today as an opportunity to commit to embracing love of all kinds?

So if you’re heartbroken today on Valentine’s Day, here are some words of encouragement, support and advice from me to you.

Focus on Abundance

Just because you don’t have romantic love in your life right now, you can choose to see and honour the love you do have. Family, friends, co-workers – use today as a chance to SHOW love rather than dwelling on the fact that you’re not getting love in the way you might want.

You get what you embody so giving love to other people means that you will become a magnet to receive that back in all forms. It’s like putting out the signal to the universe (or whatever you believe is out there), that you’re ready to receive love. Who knows who or what will show up! Every day is a new opportunity to meet someone, to create an interaction on Tinder that could lead to something amazing, even just to have a flirt (such a confidence boost and way to put a spring in your step!).

But spotting all these chances and acting on them means being open to them. Being open to them means you have to experience them. You have to experience love. You can do that by showing love in some way to everyone around you. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive, committal or radical – a compliment, a hug, telling a friend you appreciate them by text, calling someone in your family to see how they are and telling them you love them, smiling at a stranger. Make today your personal mission to show love to people around you.

To ‘Get’ you Have to Believe

If you know that a relationship or even just to have a more colourful dating life is what you want, good for you. It’s human nature to seek a companion and something we all want at one point or another in life. You are worthy of that and 100% can get it. But you have to believe it.

Similar to the idea of you get what you embody, you can only get what you believe is true. There’s a lot of talk about manifestation and imagining the perfect person and relationship in your head as a way to get it. That’s lovely but it will only remain in the la la land of your dreams until you actually believe it. If you’re imagining it but your subconscious is saying ‘erm, that’s lovely but thinking that could happen to me is complete BS!’ you’re only setting yourself up for a mighty fall.

So I want you to see today as that signpost. A signpost that if you want someone to share a day like today with, you have to believe that person is out there – right now, for you. Maybe you’re not ready for another person if you’re not over your ex but you can still believe that something else – something better and more aligned for you is out there, when the time is right. And if you don’t believe that, then what needs to change? Do you need to dig deeper? Do you need to spend more time alone since your last breakup and finally let go of your ex? Do you need to find a way to raise your self-esteem? Do you need to put new boundaries into place, act on those signs when the guy/girl you’re dating does something that doesn’t sit well with you. Do you need to spend more time on enjoying your life rather than focusing on who you don’t have in it?

Be Prepared!

Continuing on from the above two pieces, someone could show up in your life ANY TIME NOW. Are you prepared?? Or have you got so disillusioned that you’ve stopped prioritising dressing to feel good every day, making an effort with your hair, doing some exercise to feel good about your body and fuelling it with nutritious food? Is your life one you’d be proud to tell your future partner or someone you’re dating about?

If any of the things you do when you feel good about yourself and life have fallen by the wayside, use today as a chance to put that right and get back on track! The more ready you are for someone special to enter into your life, the wider the path you offer them to find you. Sounds a bit out there, but I urge you to put your faith in this one!

If you’re heartbroken right now, I’m sending my love to you – and I’m cheerleading for you! I’d also love for you to use today as a reminder of how far you’ve come in this. Through everything you’re still here! You’ve got this!

Remember, today is just another day. It can mean exactly what you want it to mean. Don’t feel like it’s you against love – it’s the complete opposite.

Love,
Laura x

New Podcast Episode – Ellen Huerta of Mend

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Wow, nearly the end of January!! How has your year started? I hope you’re doing well 🙂

I just wanted to very quickly let you know that I have a brand new episode of Let’s Talk Heartbreak up with the fabulous Ellen Huerta of Mend!

Mend is an app (there’s a website too with tons of inspirational articles and interviews) that’s essentially like a personal trainer for heartbreak. It’s been created to guide people through their breakup where every day you get sent audio trainings, activities to try and thoughts to consider. It’s fantastic and I highly recommend it if you’re struggling.

Make sure you listen in HERE – Ellen and I chat and offer advice around breakups, dealing with heartbreak and how to create transformation coming out the other side.

I hope you enjoy! 💖

Laura xx

How to Finally Get what you want in 2017

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Umm, can you believe that 2017 is nearly here?! Crazy!

This time of year always presents itself as the perfect opportunity for reflection, setting new goals and thinking about what we want to create for the year ahead. That’s all great but how many times do those resolutions fall by the wayside when life takes over?

I haven’t set any New Years resolutions for the past couple of years as what I’m all about now is using any time as opportunity for growth, expansion and reflection. There are many points throughout the year when we can do this but as the end of 2016 is nearly here, let’s really think about how to make 2017 your best year ever. Not because you’ll lose however many pounds, get the job of your dreams, get your ex back, get the other guy/girl, get the relationship, make however amount of money…..the list goes on. Not because of any of those things.

That’s not to say those goals aren’t good ones to have if they’re right for you. But what I’ve discovered (and this year more than ANYTHING) is that all of that external stuff is just a bi-product of what really needs to happen to create lasting change that doesn’t dwindle once February gets here. It’s about inner transformation. Hmm that really does sound a bit self-help, group hug, high five-y doesn’t it??! But hear me out.

So often we think that when we ‘get’ (insert whatever goal you might have here), then our lives will change. Then we’ll feel good enough, worthy enough, sexy enough, pretty enough, clever enough, lovable enough. The thing is, once that ‘thing’ is achieved it’s already onto the next. Disclaimer: This definitely isn’t a post about it being the journey and not the destination. I’m sure you’ve all already heard that a million and one times before. What I’m talking about is looking in the mirror and really seeing yourself beyond what you look like. Taking a good, honest look at what needs to be dealt with. Usually it’s more ugly than not and it can bring up all kinds of demons and sh** from the past that we’ve putting off getting to grips with in favour of chasing the man, woman, money, attention, accolation etc.

This year has been a crazy one for me in so many ways. I spoke about what’s been going on in a previous post but since arriving in LA about 5 weeks ago, I’ve amplified my own self-care x 1000. I’ve completely immersed myself in finding new ways to focus and only spending time around people who I feel I can be my true self around. All of this has reminded me of things I’ve experienced – previous health issues, an eating disorder that took up the majority of my 20’s, bad habits in previous relationships, not feeling good enough, confident enough, strong enough to be myself and really put myself out there in a bigger way to share my message.

It’s not that these things haven’t been dealt with (and some are an ongoing work-in-progress of course!) but more, that I’ve created this attachment to them as part of my story and identity.

Being away from home and in a completely new environment has just given me the time and emotional space to understand that they don’t define me. And look, my experiences are no worse than anyone else’s, but what we go through in life is always completely personal. You can’t compare what’s happened to you as any better or worse than the next person. We can always be grateful for what we have, what we’ve been through and the good fortune that we have had throughout it all and this isn’t about succumbing to becoming a victim – definitely not! But we should never discount how things have affected us either.

The real strength of character and creating lasting change that shifts our entire lives for the better, comes with dealing with that in a way that’s facing it head on. Taking that reflective and deep action on repairing any damage so that we can move on in life. Understand that our identity has NOTHING to do with the things that have ‘happened’ to us. Achieve all of those things that we know are out there for us.

So, here are my ways to make 2017 a game changer!

– Be here, right now.

Again, being ‘in the moment’ is such a cliché but clichés are there for a reason, right?! So much of what holds us back – especially when it comes to heartbreak of some kind is living in the past and being anxious about the future.

Anxiety is really fear of what might happen and getting anxious about the future is just a projection of what we’ve experienced in the past. But the past is over and the future isn’t here yet. So the more we can get into the habit of thinking and feeling in the right now, the more sane, heartfelt and logical our reactions are to people, circumstances and situations and the less we identify with those stories I just spoke about.

Maybe you’re reliving your breakup over and over and/or have convinced yourself you’ll never find love again. Whilst it’s important to honour all of that and how you’re feeling, if you’re staying stuck in the past and fearful over what you can’t ever predict will happen, what good is that doing you? And this isn’t about failing to think or plan ahead. You can just do that a lot more mindfully than what you might be doing now.

– Be the person you want to become – right now.

I do a lot of future visualisation work on myself and with people I coach. That can be really powerful but what I’ve realised this year is that we can spend so long fantasising about who we want to become that it stays just that – a fantasy that never gets realised but always chased.

So why not BE the person you want to be RIGHT NOW? Do you see yourself as that healthy, energised, charismatic, magnetic person? Well go and be him or her NOW! Think about what sort of choices that this ‘you’ would make and make them. How would you eat, what would you wear, where would you hang out, what would you be doing for your job or in your business, how would you spend your free time, who would you spend time around, how disciplined would you be when it comes to your wants and goals, how committed would you be?

Obviously you can’t just magically live this new life now but I’m betting you can take much bolder, wildly different steps that what you have been doing? You can change your daily habits to start to create that, 100%. If you can’t get over your ex and that’s holding you back, guess what, that’s in your control. I know that might sound harsh but it is a CHOICE. You can’t get over them because you’re focusing on them whilst dreaming up this amazing new you that you want to become, but you’re not taking any aligned action that that ‘you’ would have taken months ago. Stop dreaming about it and start creating it TODAY – don’t even wait for 2017!

– Treat yourself like a god/goddess

You are the main character in your life not the supporting artist. Treating yourself as such goes way deeper than running yourself a nice bubble bath and lighting candles (although that helps along the way if it’s what you’re into!). It’s more about a combination of treating yourself kindly AND taking responsibility for yourself. So doing things that you might not want to do because of fear of the unknown. Facing things that you might not have been able to face before. Making better, healthier choices for yourself. Prioritising self-care as a non-negotiable.

Making those changes that are going to kick your old identity’s backside out of the park once and for all. Once you can really understand that you ARE an absolute god/goddess right now being exactly who you are, other people will start to see you as such because you start to set a whole new level of standards. That’s the people you date, your friendships, family, colleagues – everyone you come into contact with.

Treating yourself in this way makes you feel gorgeous, fierce, able to be vulnerable, like you have your shi* together, knowing that if you make mistakes that’s ok because you’ve learnt something and confident you’re really growing without the need for any kind of validation from anyone else to prove these things to you.

– F other people

Seriously. If you keep living by other people’s terms and expectations, NOTHING will change in 2017. The fear of what other people think will keep you rooted exactly where you are now. I’ve struggled with this one so much and the crazy thing is, the likelihood of people thinking any of the things that have gone through my head (e.g. having ridiculous anxiety over the tone of an email that I made assumptions about thinking they were mad, unhappy or dissatisfied with something I’d done) are completely false and a complete waste of my time and sanity. If I’d have spent more time DOING all of the things I’m listing in this post, life would have been very different a lot quicker. More often than not, people are too busy concerned with their own agenda that worrying about yours.

And this isn’t about being dismissive or disrespectful towards other people, as we don’t want to be making enemies 😉 But just learning to trust your intuition to know if your ex is taking advantage of you not being over them and then walking away from them despite your heart screaming that you love them, can’t let them go and that they’ll change. To know that friendship where you walk away every time feeling depleted is toxic and to therefore graciously cut ties. To know that if someone laughs about your crazy business idea that you’re so passionate about, that’s just their opinion.

Don’t be dealing with any of that – again, you have the choice and the trade-off if you continue as you might be doing now is not achieving what you want next year. Don’t wait for permission.

Transformation and re-invention following heartbreak is what I’ve become insanely passionate about this year as it’s changed my life on a scale that I never thought possible. I’m committed to help SO many more people to do this in 2017 with more grace, ease and flow. It’s going to be less of getting over your ex and much, much more about what needs to happen within you internally to create change that you never ever thought possible. Change that will impact your love life, relationships, abundance, wealth, health and so much more.

I’ve been coaching people in this way for the last few months and the results have been amazing. So, if you are interested in booking a session with me, let’s do it! Be warned though – you need to be 150% committed. Contact me here if this is what you want and we’ll chat.

2017 can be a game changer. You just have to commit to it. The good, bad and the ugly. I promise you, it will be worth it 😉

Wishing you all a very merry happy Christmas – being from the UK where we go bonkers for Christmas, it’s really bizarre being here in LA celebrating it in the sunshine, but I most definitely can’t complain!

Love,

Laura x

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