I intended to write something far more practical today around communication with an ex. Should you text them, shouldn’t you, ways to cope when you get the urge to tell them you miss them etc. But I just feel there are a few other things that I would like to share with you. (That ex contact post will be coming up next though!)
What I wanted to talk to you about today is a little deeper and something that I’ve been experiencing a lot myself this year. I hope you don’t mind that this will be a more personal post. With everything I put out there, I always want to place helping you as my main focus but I imagine that many of you will still be able to relate to this in some way. I really do want it to offer value to you.
Vulnerability. Urgh. Scary isn’t it?! I'm not ashamed to admit that I have been feeling incredibly vulnerable over the past 10 months or so. Behind the scenes of my work, I’ve been struggling with a few health issues that certainly aren’t anything serious in terms of being life threatening and I'm well on my way to full recovery now (whoop!) but that have created pain, burnout, fatigue and more notably to me anyway, an overwhelming sense of disconnect.
What does this have to do with breakups? Well, I’m not going through a breakup but this sure has felt like a breakup of sorts! How I’ve felt in recent months has mimicked how we can feel when a breakup leaves us stripped down emotionally and turned upside down and inside out mentally. Plus of course the physical pain and exhaustion that can manifest through all of that. I literally feel like I’ve broken up with my body, which sounds so weird but that really is how it feels!
Anyway, to cut a long story short, this year has probably being one of the most challenging when it comes to my physical wellbeing. The social life has taken a backseat but luckily, I have still been coaching all my amazing clients and maintained the ability to do this work, which I am SO grateful for. Though over the past 3/4 weeks, I have been very quiet on the blog and social media to facilitate taking a step back, gathering my thoughts on my next steps and to prepare for what’s to come. Because things are definitely on the up in a big way and a LOT of changes are about to take place :)
Anyway, let’s make this less about me ha! What I really want to do is share with you some of the practical and mindful things that have helped me, which might also be of benefit to you if you’re going through a breakup or something in your life which is proving a huge hurdle.
Put your health first
Obviously as health has been the crux of the issue for me, I haven’t really had a choice but to prioritise this one. Why I want to suggest this to you though and emphasise it’s importance (x 100000), is that a lot of my health problems have stemmed from earlier life stresses that I thought I was taking responsibility for. When it came to down to it though, there was still much I was neglecting. This has led to a radical diet overhaul, resting (and I LOVE to exercise so this one is a real killer for me!) and giving my body and mind what it needs. So if you’re going through something right now, put everything into being at your best physically - or at least have a mindfulness about it. Stress is an absolute killer for good health and although it can’t be avoided by any means, it’s our job to nurture out health in any and every way we can so that we’re better able to cope with the stressful times. Good health is different for everyone of course so it’s finding what works for you, eliminating what doesn't and then committing to that.
Attitude and mindset
It’s so easy to ride the positive I-can-manifest-anything-I-want train when things are going hunky dory. It’s actually in the real sh*tter of the moments that we need to focus on the good and be grateful for what we do have even more. Also, to really get clear on what we want in the future and start to visualise and plan the roadmap of how to get there. This year has tested me big time on my overall outlook. And no, I haven’t been prancing around like some positive Polly every day because that just isn’t normal! It’s how we bounce back from those moments and choose to see a different perspective. That's really how we get ourselves through. I’ve been bingeing on the likes of Tony Robbins, Lewis Howes and Brene Brown to help with this as well as doing a lot of journaling.
Know it’s ok to be vulnerable
Typically I’m a ‘I can do it myself’ type of gal and that’s absolutely fine! Being independent is obviously a great attribute to have but sometimes, asking for help actually shows far more self-awareness and courage than what we realise. Allowing myself to be vulnerable to those around me and ask for help if I’ve needed it has created more compassion in my relationships and much stronger bonds. Whether I've been around people who I know care and who I care about too or spoken to them on the phone, every moment and every conversation has elevated me emotionally and physically. So don’t isolate yourself. It’s ok to be vulnerable and ask for help. We’re not superheroes.
Get excited about what’s to come!
Even if right now, everything feels dismal and like there is no end in sight, in your heart you know that is not true. Waking up day after day still not feeling better has been a tough lesson and what has got me through, is still making plans despite this, for what I want in the future and using this experience to show me how much I have to value every day and what I am capable of. I’ve had the goal all this year to move to LA for 3 months and in less than 1 month, I will be making that happen (OMG!). Obviously I was never going to do this if I was putting myself at risk - there is a balance between pushing yourself in healthy ways that are manageable and helpful and just being reckless. But this goal has given me purpose, passion and something to strive for, which has helped immensely.
Have a goal and purpose
Moving to LA and taking this blog and my business to the next level to help you in more ways (so many exciting new offerings are in the pipeline for you all!) has been my goal, but yours doesn’t have to look anything like that. It can be anything you want it to be. I tend not to do things by halves ha and so for me, packing up my life here in the UK and moving across the world is a pretty big deal! But I know that within that sense of adventure, is where the most amazing shifts happen. Especially after this year, I’m ready to try something completely new in an environment that’s exciting, full of places and people I can’t wait to see and meet but where is also aligned to being able to take care of myself and look after my health in this next phase. Use whatever you're going through as fuel to give yourself something to really go for and don’t be afraid to think BIG!
Paul Denniston on my recent podcast episode (go listen if you haven't - it's amazing!) even includes laughter in his Grief Yoga classes and workshops and I wholeheartedly believe that laughter is in fact the best medicine (alongside your attitude)! Just laughing with my friends, family and even to myself whilst watching or listening to something funny instantly makes me feel better. It fuels my body and mind. I honestly love nothing more than having a real good laugh, it's the absolute best. :)
I really hope you can see how you can apply these things to whatever you’re going through whether that’s a breakup or a rough time regardless of the situation and circumstance. It really does sound cliché but these challenges, if we choose to let them, can help us shed what we need to to provide a pathway to evolve into our next, more fulfilling stage of life.
I will say that when it comes to relationships too, I have felt a bit of a hypocrite because I've barely dated the past 10 months so who am I to even talk about it and offer advice when I haven’t actively been out there dating or in a relationship?! However, I wanted to write something honest and there are so many big lessons I have learnt this year that have directly impacted my relationship with myself and therefore, my romantic relationships. As a result of them, I am crystal clear on myself, my (new and improved!) boundaries, and the type of relationship I want (not who - I’m totally open to that!). As I’m going into this next phase with all this renewed self-awareness under my belt, I do feel ready and am excited about getting back out there!
Again, I hope you don’t mind the more personal post. Next up we’ll be back to a more practical one ;) As always, thank you so much for reading and inspiring me with your messages. I really can’t wait to share with you all the new things I am going to have coming up for you! And if you would like to get in touch with me about coaching or my online program then please do on contact@laurayatesorg. 💖