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If there’s anything I’ve learned about heartbreak, it’s that you never know when it’s coming! And no matter who ended the relationship, heartbreaks are awful to go through.
The nauseating feeling of being alone, constant flashbacks about the good times in your relationship, and the actual physical pain that seems like it will never fade…..
Even though we can’t avoid getting our hearts broken, we can learn how to deal with heartbreak.
Here’s my concise 10-step guide to getting there:
Feel the feelings and allow yourself to grieve
I’ve felt a flood of emotions any time I was going through a heartbreak. But, one important aspect I learned when it comes to dealing with heartbreak, is that even though there was shock or trauma, I still had to allow myself to feel whatever came alongside it. I had to remind myself that I was grieving something I cherished and that was an important part of my life. The best thing you can do for yourself is to allow yourself to feel all the guilt, anger, sadness, and loneliness.
Embracing these emotions is the first step to healing.
Cut off contact with your ex
I know, you’re probably missing the feeling of having someone around you, and you’re probably sending each other “just checking in” texts. However, you shouldn’t stay here for too long. The minute you give in to these feelings and maintain contact with your ex, the harder it is for you to move on. I would advise you to cut off all contact with your ex at the beginning so that you can break all the attachments you have with them.
Stop romanticising the past
So you want to learn how to deal with heartbreak fast? Stop letting yourself live in the past. Please don’t encourage yourself to live in the past memories of your relationship. Instead of living in the past, try your best to look ahead and plan for the future.
Forgive your ex
I know it can be hard to forgive someone, especially if they didn’t treat you kindly. Here’s the thing, though, forgiveness is vital. In fact, it’s your key to moving forwards. Remember that forgiveness isn’t for your ex - it’s for you. Forgiving them allows to let go you of the anger you’re carrying and helps to release you from the hurt and bitterness that’s holding you back.
Let people in
Accepting other people’s support is essential during this challenging period. and will help you to get over the emotional pain of a breakup. The truth is that accepting help from others isn’t easy, especially if it seems like you abandoned your friends for a relationship. If one of your friends were in the same situation, you would probably offer them the same support, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about accepting it.
Pursue new hobbies
Most of the activities you’re stuck doing most likely remind you of your ex. Why not try something new and potentially discover a part of yourself that you never knew existed? Start to create new memories as this is a fantastic way to build those new neural pathways in the brain.
As I said earlier, breakups are heart-wrenching, but they can become the bridge to new experiences if you let them. Pick up a new hobby, learn something, or make new friends. It’s the best way to revive yourself and keep moving.
Focus on yourself
Rather than obsessing over everything your ex does, you should take the time to focus on yourself. Stop agonising about things they said or did in the past. Instead, reflect upon yourself and your potential role in the end of the relationship, whether that be ignoring the red flags or even perhaps engaging in behaviours that contributed in some way, even if they weren’t directly destructive. You can use these insights to help you move forwards.
Once you get honest and acknowledge any part you had to play, you will move on faster.
Exercise or meditate
One of the most important things you can do for yourself post-breakup is to build your self-confidence. Practices such as exercise and mindfulness can be a huge help. The endorphins your body produces during exercise will make you feel so much better about yourself. If you’re truly not into hardcore exercise - like me, try something more gentle such as walking, pilates, or yoga as these will also do the trick!
Your body is going through grief the same way you are. It’s a stressful time and your body needs to heal and release the same emotions you’re going through - so nurture it.
Commit to finding closure on your own
I’ve spoken about finding closure before as one of the most difficult things that I had to go through was discovering how to deal with heartbreak without getting the closure I felt I needed from an ex. However, we must face it; sometimes, a partner won’t be able to explain why they’re breaking up with us.
If you’re in this position, it’s time to take matters into your own hands and create a narrative for yourself. You can create closure without any input from your ex because if you desperately try and seek it out, regardless of how much you deserve it or feel you need it, it will inevitably result in you feeling like you need more questions answered. It makes the process of healing a lot longer than necessary.
Trust the process
The thing is, when you’re trying to learn how to get over heartbreak, everything seems impossible. But, you must understand that it’s a process. While human beings are built to forge connections with each other, not all of them last a lifetime. Stay true to yourself and be grateful for the opportunity to learn, because that’s what experiences are.
This is your chance to shine! Be patient as it will take time and know that you CAN thrive and blossom after this experience.