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relationships

Dreading Valentine’s Day? Here’s what to do….

Image from http://www.refinery29.com/2016/02/102130/best-valentines-day-single-friends-memes

Ahh Valentine’s Day. To be honest, what you tend to see on social media and online when it comes to V Day these days is one of eye rolling and skepticism as opposed to love, hearts and flowers. This can be reassuring if you’re in a place of heartbreak or even single and hating it - there’s nothing like community to make you feel less alone. And I do agree that the commercial side of Valentine’s Day hypes it up to become something way beyond than what was intended.

Which is a day of love.

And yes, that might be with the emphasis on love with a significant other. But why not use today as an opportunity to commit to embracing love of all kinds?

So if you’re heartbroken today on Valentine’s Day, here are some words of encouragement, support and advice from me to you.

Focus on Abundance

Just because you don’t have romantic love in your life right now, you can choose to see and honour the love you do have. Family, friends, co-workers - use today as a chance to SHOW love rather than dwelling on the fact that you’re not getting love in the way you might want.

You get what you embody so giving love to other people means that you will become a magnet to receive that back in all forms. It’s like putting out the signal to the universe (or whatever you believe is out there), that you’re ready to receive love. Who knows who or what will show up! Every day is a new opportunity to meet someone, to create an interaction on Tinder that could lead to something amazing, even just to have a flirt (such a confidence boost and way to put a spring in your step!).

But spotting all these chances and acting on them means being open to them. Being open to them means you have to experience them. You have to experience love. You can do that by showing love in some way to everyone around you. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive, committal or radical - a compliment, a hug, telling a friend you appreciate them by text, calling someone in your family to see how they are and telling them you love them, smiling at a stranger. Make today your personal mission to show love to people around you.

To ‘Get’ you Have to Believe

If you know that a relationship or even just to have a more colourful dating life is what you want, good for you. It’s human nature to seek a companion and something we all want at one point or another in life. You are worthy of that and 100% can get it. But you have to believe it.

Similar to the idea of you get what you embody, you can only get what you believe is true. There’s a lot of talk about manifestation and imagining the perfect person and relationship in your head as a way to get it. That’s lovely but it will only remain in the la la land of your dreams until you actually believe it. If you’re imagining it but your subconscious is saying ‘erm, that’s lovely but thinking that could happen to me is complete BS!’ you’re only setting yourself up for a mighty fall.

So I want you to see today as that signpost. A signpost that if you want someone to share a day like today with, you have to believe that person is out there - right now, for you. Maybe you’re not ready for another person if you’re not over your ex but you can still believe that something else - something better and more aligned for you is out there, when the time is right. And if you don’t believe that, then what needs to change? Do you need to dig deeper? Do you need to spend more time alone since your last breakup and finally let go of your ex? Do you need to find a way to raise your self-esteem? Do you need to put new boundaries into place, act on those signs when the guy/girl you’re dating does something that doesn’t sit well with you. Do you need to spend more time on enjoying your life rather than focusing on who you don’t have in it?

Be Prepared!

Continuing on from the above two pieces, someone could show up in your life ANY TIME NOW. Are you prepared?? Or have you got so disillusioned that you’ve stopped prioritising dressing to feel good every day, making an effort with your hair, doing some exercise to feel good about your body and fuelling it with nutritious food? Is your life one you’d be proud to tell your future partner or someone you’re dating about?

If any of the things you do when you feel good about yourself and life have fallen by the wayside, use today as a chance to put that right and get back on track! The more ready you are for someone special to enter into your life, the wider the path you offer them to find you. Sounds a bit out there, but I urge you to put your faith in this one!

If you’re heartbroken right now, I’m sending my love to you - and I’m cheerleading for you! I’d also love for you to use today as a reminder of how far you’ve come in this. Through everything you’re still here! You’ve got this!

Remember, today is just another day. It can mean exactly what you want it to mean. Don’t feel like it’s you against love - it’s the complete opposite.

Love,
Laura x

New Podcast Episode - Ellen Huerta of Mend

Wow, nearly the end of January!! How has your year started? I hope you’re doing well 🙂

I just wanted to very quickly let you know that I have a brand new episode of Let’s Talk Heartbreak up with the fabulous Ellen Huerta of Mend!

Mend is an app (there’s a website too with tons of inspirational articles and interviews) that’s essentially like a personal trainer for heartbreak. It’s been created to guide people through their breakup where every day you get sent audio trainings, activities to try and thoughts to consider. It’s fantastic and I highly recommend it if you’re struggling.

Make sure you listen in HERE - Ellen and I chat and offer advice around breakups, dealing with heartbreak and how to create transformation coming out the other side.

I hope you enjoy! 💖

Laura xx

What to Do if your Ex Says they’ve Changed

Image by Saskia of Hey Saturday

If you’ve been in one of those breakup/get back together/breakup etc etc boomerang relationships (urgh – exhausting isn’t it!), this one is for you.

I think it’s safe to say that one of the most challenging things about going through a breakup is knowing how to react if your ex wants to see you again. Even if they were a first class a**hole, that pull can be so strong and difficult to resist. We know in our head that staying away is the right thing but our heart, emotions and attraction to them can scream otherwise.

It can therefore be very easy to agree to see them because you miss them so much or perhaps you’re seeking some form of closure.

So then the following plays out: You meet or speak and you realise that nothing has really changed. Your ex still won’t commit or give you the answers that you were hoping to glean from the conversation or interaction. You then might feel used or like all the hard work you have put into getting over this breakup has been undone.

This situation can so easily become a cycle.

So, it can be helpful to understand why your ex might have done this.

Well for starters, they probably miss you. But just because they miss you that doesn’t mean the relationship will all of a sudden be hunky dory and it also doesn’t mean they have the emotional capacity to deal with what went wrong in the first place and actually address the issues.

Also, not having you around has probably thrown them off-course! It’s taken away their power and reaching out and getting a reaction from you is almost giving them the validation they need to prove to themselves they can reclaim that power. And so obviously this doesn’t mean they intend to change. It’s all very short-term and backed up with very little substance.

As I said before, it can be very easy to lead with your heart in this situation. So how can you tell if your ex is really being genuine and has changed or whether seeing them again might cause more heartache?

- Look back at the past. Breaking up and getting back together can become a draining pattern and if this relates to you, well, you already have all the proof you need to show you that nothing is going to change this time around. Regardless of what your ex says or promises – it can be all the right things (and probably will be as they’ll know how to push your buttons!), is that being backed up by solid action?

- Are there signs that your ex has taken any time to work on their own stuff since the breakup? Again, they might say all the right things in regards to this but is there actual evidence to show it?

- They are still vague about what they want. Maybe yes, they’re communicating in some way but are they being 100% clear on what they want moving forwards? If not, they’re probably just trying to keep you around rather than really working on what went wrong.

Here is what I suggest you need to do -:

- Know your limits and boundaries. Taking everything into account and how far you have come, is seeing them really the best thing for you?

- Don’t feel bad about saying no. The best and most dignified way to approach it is to be very clear about your needs right now and why you don’t think it’s a good idea to meet or continue communication. This can be done in a polite and compassionate yet emotionally detached way.

- Don’t focus on all the good memories during these moments. When an ex reaches out, it can trigger all of those amazing memories. Hearing from them feels familiar and comforting but just because you had some great times, that doesn’t mean your ex will change and that the relationship can be fixed.

- Remember that you are the main character in your own life! Keep up the work on putting yourself first and building your own self-esteem. This will also help you cultivate those boundaries and that inner self-knowing. It will help you trust yourself to work out what choices will be best for you regardless of what your heart might say.

I hope you find this helpful and if you have fallen victim to your ex reaching out in the past and prone to believing their words and non-committal behaviour, this is now your chance to intercept it. Just know that you DO deserve far more! There IS a better way forwards. And as always, I have got you on this too 🙂

Love,
Laura x

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