I always get so many questions about how to break the ice when it comes to dating. Not only dating actually, in everyday social situations too. As someone who is a) shy and b) mostly an introvert, this type of communication skill is something that I’ve had to learn over time and completely understand the anxiety that can come along with the challenge of not knowing what to say!

Ok, so dating. First of all, let yourself off the hook if you’re stressing out about not knowing what to say! In dating scenarios, it’s a given that there is likely to be an air of awkwardness and both people will be experiencing some kind of nerves. So don’t feel you have to be the one entertaining your date with your wit, charm and sophisticated choice of conversation! Ultimately, a date is 2 people getting to know each other.

Before you even go on dates, you want to be thinking about what defines you as a person. What are you bringing to the table when it comes to meeting someone for the first time? What do you want to share about yourself? What are your hobbies, interests, passions, favourite places you’ve travelled, your goals? These are all really good talking points to turn to throughout the date, and topics you can also ask your date about.

Humour is also a very effective way to break the ice, and as long as it isn’t offensive (!), it will immediately put the person you’re with at ease. Laughing is the best way to banish any sense of awkwardness. The key with this though is to not try too hard to be funny as that will have the er…opposite effect! Just be natural.

If you really don’t know what to say, just call it out! Tell your date you’re a little nervous and that you find the situation a touch awkward. The key to getting this right is to do it with some confidence. You don’t want your date thinking you’re going to completely fall to pieces, but more that you’re just ok with admitting you’re nervous. This is why it’s so important that, when you commit to dating, you have a really solid sense of self and you can fuse your vulnerabilities (which we all have!) with confidence. That is an instant connector.

Something fun you could also do is have a list of 3 unusual questions that might initially sound quite random, but will get your date to reveal more about their personality immediately. Some examples include ‘Have you ever met one of your heroes in person?’ ‘What film character are you most like?’ etc and get your date to ask you 3 more questions too. This then completely shakes up the ‘interview’ style date, which can be repetitive and a huge buzzkill!

Another tip is to go armed with a few stories about yourself that you can work into the conversation. Stories that are funny, engaging or have meaning are the most effective. Examples could be a monumental travel experience, something unusual/funny that happened to you recently or something you did/saw that was out of the ordinary or created an impact on you. Stories you’ve shared before that have received a good response will be handy ones to keep in mind!

Finally, when it comes to dating and social situations, we completely underestimate how important listening is in breaking the ice. We often feel that to be interesting, we have to be the one talking and ‘entertaining’. When you properly listen to what people are telling you in conversation, you’ll ask less surface style questions, and they will notice this! People who have mastered the art of listening are regarded as more charismatic, and instantly make others feel far more comfortable and special in their presence.

To bust right through first date awkwardness, I’ve helped out Match on their upcoming Datemaster Bus campaign, which sounds like SO much fun. Over 3 days the Datemaster Bus offer singles a place to speed date on their way to work. The idea is to give single Londoners, who may otherwise feel too busy to meet new people, the opportunity to date during their morning commute.

The bus departs from different location across London and terminates in central London, ensuring you make your 9.30am meeting.

I’ve provided a few tips and icebreaker questions for the Datemaster Bus, so I’m excited to hear what feedback the event gets 🙂 I think this is such a great idea as firstly, it’s a really fun twist on speed dating and also it’s not in a bar situation where we can so often rely on alcohol to create connection. You’re seeing people in the true light of day and I think it will offer the people taking a part a far more realistic picture of the people they meet. The games Match have put together are designed to be fun but also create connections in a short space of time.

If you’re in London, single and keen to get involved, you can sign up here https://uk.match.com/pages/advice/datemaster/.

It sounds like huge fun and I think it will be a really interesting dating experiment!

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