First Date Tips Following the End of a Relationship

The first date after a break-up can be a monumental event. Even if you don’t feel quite ready to move on, it shows that you’re at least giving the idea a go and open to possibilities. It can be exciting but also daunting and you do need to get into a certain mindset to enjoy it to full potential. Here are some tips on how to prepare yourself!

1) Don’t be negative

Sometimes, we imagine the worst possible outcome to protect ourselves from rejection or disappointment but in reality, all this does it put us on a downer from the get-go. If you’re telling yourself that you’re probably going to have a terrible time, you’re more likely to convince yourself that you are and your negativity will show through. Even if you’re struggling to be genuinely excited, at least keep an open mind. Just make a commitment to yourself that for those few hours you’ll enjoy the date for exactly what it is - a new experience.

2) Don’t pin all your hopes on it

On the flip side of not being negative, don’t pin all your hopes on this date being the one to save you from singledom! Don’t put pressure on this new person having to be the one to change your life after the pain you’ve gone through following your break-up. That’s a tall order for them! Remember that you’ve been out of the dating game for a while and if you’re in that ‘all or nothing’ mindset it will convey as being way too eager or desperate. Just be relaxed and open minded. Oh, and it’s also important to remember that ‘chemistry’ and ‘sparks’ aren’t always immediate! So if you didn’t quite feel it on the first date that doesn’t mean it can’t develop. Don’t write people off too soon.

3) Don’t talk about your ex!

Not on a first date. You can see some of my broader thoughts on this on Female First where I talk about how mentioning the ex is ok - and useful when in a new relationship, but certainly not yet. This is all about having fun, showing your best self and hopefully establishing a new emotional connection with someone.

4) Conversation and interaction

When you first get back into dating and particularly when out of a long-term relationship you’ll likely need to fine-tune your communication muscles. What you say and how you say it is one of the best ways of quickly building connection with someone new. Think about the interesting and unique things you can tell them about yourself and questions you might want to ask them that go beyond the standard mundane, snoozy stuff. Sure, you can ask them about their job - it would be odd for this to not come up, but what questions can you ask them that gets them to reveal more about themselves and their characteristics on a deeper level in relation to their job. I definitely don’t mean getting too deep, meaningful and serious - you can still keep it light-hearted and flirtatious. But you just want to avoid anything that encourages an auto-pilot response.

5) Even if it’s a disaster, what’s the best possible outcome?

No one loves a bad date but it will always make for an entertaining story! I had this experience once but instead of giving up on dating right at the first hurdle, I decided to see the funny side of it because a) it makes a great anecdote and b) I knew that anything else would be a vast improvement!

Overall, it’s all about seeing it as an experience, an opportunity to meet someone new and to also get a clearer idea of what you want in a new partner. Even if you’re not ready for a new relationship, don’t swear yourself off dating either. It takes time from the dating phase to develop into relationship after all, and you can pick and chose how much you date or not. Don’t cut yourself off completely because you just never know what that one interaction might lead to.