When I was going through a tough time in my last relationship, I always used to go on a walk near my house. There was something about being amongst nature that was soothing. It pacified the emotional chaos in my head and it's also where much of the inspiration behind what I'm doing today came from. It became my safe haven.
I still go on that walk most days. And now the warmer weather has arrived it seems poignantly strange as it brings back all of those memories. Today, I realised that I had even more of an urge to venture there more than normal. As I was walking it dawned on me that it was almost exactly this time last year that I ended my relationship. It made me reflect upon the past year and what my break-up has taught me.
So, as I like to do, I thought I would share away....
1) My happiness doesn't come from someone else. Nor should I put that kind of expectation or responsibility on someone else.
2) If it didn't work before, chances are it won't work again.
3) I will never compromise on feeling less than I know I deserve. But to know what I deserve I've had to learn to value myself. And because of that I've grown in ways I never thought possible.
4) I've learnt to take responsibility for myself.
5) Always always ALWAYS trust your gut. If you have a hunch something ain't right, it probably isn't.
6) My health and wellbeing is always going to be the most important thing to be at my best.
7) This year has been one of the most transformational in my business and personal life. The two of which often merge together. I'm so grateful for all the incredible friends and inspirational connections I've made since starting this venture - to find people I have genuine common ground with and who I also have a great time with. Many of which I'm sure will be friends forever.
8) Surrounding yourself with great people and trusting them, is one of the most important things you can do when going through a break-up.
9) The drama of a relationship that has gone beyond fixing is not worth the drama.
10) …and don't do things that are going to create drama.
11) I learned to let go despite the fairytale ending I convinced myself was meant to be.
12) I learned to forgive. Yes, I sometimes still might think he's a word that I won't grace this page with, but almost now in a way that I can smile about it on reflection. I certainly don't hate, wish him bad or feel that emotional attachment. Whatever happens in a relationship and it's breakdown, both people have to take responsibility for something. I am and have in my part and I'm sure he probably is in his. The good memories are good and I still have those. But I see things how they were in reality as opposed to how I wanted them to be.
13) No matter how much you rationalise it or how much love there is, that doesn't mean it's right.
14) I've learned that I can still fall for somebody else. Um, yeah, in 2 weeks ;) I also recognise that this is something I got caught up in as we can sometimes do. And no, it didn't work out how I envisaged. But, it showed me I can feel that way about someone and get those butterflies. This time last year - even 6 months ago, I never thought that would be possible. And there will be others. It was a kicker but in a strange way I'm grateful that experience happened.
15) The above experience showed me how far I've come in recognising my own value. A couple of years ago I'd have beaten myself up, thinking I'm not good enough, dwelling on it. Now, I can just see it for what it is and move on.
16) I've learned that dating is still a bloody minefield! But with the right approach and mindset (and solid diary coordination!), it's really fun.
17) Love isn't about having all the same things in common, liking what someone does for a living, what they look like or even how they live their life. It's about supporting why they are who they are and why they do what they do.
18) I've learned that enthusiasm is good. Passion is great. But only when there's compassion.
19) I've learned there are some really decent guys out there.
20) I've also learned that there are some with very unfortunate surnames.....
21) Relationships don't make your life. Your life makes a relationship.
22) I've learned that love and feeling loved means different things to different people. They can even be conflicting. In a relationship, you have to communicate to each other what these are and what you both need to feel loved.
23) I've learned to push myself out of comfort zones.
24) Social media and a break-up don't go hand in hand.
25) I've learned to be grateful for everything that happened. That experience evolved into a fierce desire to help other people going through the same thing. I love what I do and it's created so many opportunities, friends and sense of purpose.
So there we have it. I think there's probably many more but those are the main ones that come to mind right now. I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts on what you've learned so please do leave a comment. Or you can reach out to me personally on firstname.lastname@example.org