The end of relationships are tough to deal with. First, you have to deal with the initial heartbreak or getting over him/her and then the real stinger can come when you learn that they're seeing someone else.
That sinking feeling...awful isn't it! I was actually inspired to write this post as a few days ago I received this message from a friend on Facebook. She says "Just seen my ex has got engaged! FFS! I don't want him but I don't see why he should have what I want either!"
Urgh. Jealousy associated with an ex partner moving on can be a killer! It can totally consume us, even if we were the one to end the relationship. We automatically start thinking about all the good times and begin to wonder what the new partner has that we didn't to make our ex so happy. In a way, we can sometimes subconsciously revel in the fact that they might be suffering without us. So when we know they've moved on, it can hit hard and reignite all of those raw emotions that we worked so hard to move on from.
So what are my learnings on this? Well in its simplest form, the fact that the pair of you are no longer together in itself confirms that your ex isn't 'the one'. I actually don't believe we have only 'one' person out there, but in this situation, they are certainly not one of the potential 'ones' :)
It's as simple as this: if you were meant to be together, you would be. If you are meant to figure out a way to make things work, you do. The relationship ultimately ended for one or a number of reasons and whilst it can be so easy to remember the highlights during tough moments, it really does help to readdress all of those reasons why it didn't work. Even write them down if you have to. Not with the intention of conjuring up any upset or anger, but just to reaffirm to yourself why it wasn't right.
The good thing about exes moving on is it gives you a clear path to move on yourself. The line has been drawn and the only way forwards for you now is away from that person and into a new amazing chapter of your own life. If you have cherished memories with your ex, that's great. But don't dwell on them; use this as an opportunity to create new memories!
So how about this - do one thing this week to start something completely new and begin making these new memories. What can you do for yourself that will make you feel really good? What can you do that's different that will make your day brilliant, or enhance your wellbeing or confidence?
Seriously, don't bother with jealousy, anger or bitterness. Know when you're feeling it and make a conscious decision to channel that energy into doing something for YOU that makes you feel good.
And even if you aren't in the situation of struggling to deal with a relationship breakup or your ex moving on, do one thing this week for you anyway. Maybe you want to feel more confident in something? If so, what can you do to get a tiny bit better at it? Small actions like this, where we put ourselves first, create huge changes in all areas of our lives.
There are many ways I can help you through this if you're struggling. Email me on laurayatescoaching@gmail.com and I'll tell you all the ways we can work together. (Please be aware that I can't offer advice for free) ❤️
I also have my audio product on this topic, which you can find here https://gumroad.com/l/CrdFs
Laura x