The Return of the Ex from the Relationship Dead. Have you been Zombied??

Image courtesy of https://www.flickr.com/photos/bradmontgomery/

I think 2015 was the year where ghosting really became a ‘thing’. However it seems there’s a new phrase on the block going by the term ‘zombieing’ and although this sounds even more ridiculous, I think that a lot of you will be able to relate to this one too!

I first saw this yesterday in an article on PrimeMind - you can see the article here http://www.primemind.com/articles/the-new-dating-trend-zombie-ing where it explains that zombieing is…

“..the zombie ex. The zombie ex can be someone you consciously decided was better to not communicate online and off-line with until the hurt of a break up had finally, mostly, passed. But just when you think you have successfully cut off communication, the zombie ex weasels into corners of the internet you thought were impossible “liking,” “commenting” or “connecting”—on obscure social networks you had forgotten about. And then, in pours a surge of uninvited emotions.”

Hmm sound familiar?

It does to me. Zombieing isn’t limited to just people you were in a relationship with though. Think about those times when people you’ve maybe gone on a few dates with someone who winds up vanishing without a hint of a call, text, email or any form of communication. Those dating scenarios that can so easily lead to ‘mini’ heartbreaks. And then lo and behold, a few months later, they start cheekily liking your instagram or Facebook posts or send a text completely out of the blue. I know it’s happened to me and left me somewhat bemused.

Regardless of whether you get zombied (you have to admit, it’s a brilliant phrase 😆) by an ex who really meant something to you or someone who you went on a few dates with and then disappeared, it all comes down to this -:

If they don’t have the courage to call you or instigate proper-in-real-life communication that doesn’t provide the safety of a screen, then they probably don’t deserve to be a part of your life again.

Reappearing elusively on social media (to me anyway) is such a cop out because here’s the thing; they want to show you that you’re on their radar BUT then they want YOU to make the actual bold move in response to that. It’s risk free and doesn’t demonstrate any backbone whatsoever.

If they really wanted to speak to you or get back in touch with you, they would take a far more personal approach.

This is also why I’m a big fan of taking a break from social media (and I have an entire module on this in my online course) after a break up. Even though a random ‘like’ on Facebook seems innocent, it can so easily reignite all of those feelings around the break up and your ex that you have worked so hard to move away from. Just seeing your ex on social media can send you hurtling back into heartbreak. And then before you know it, your emotions have gone into overdrive, your boundaries become non existent and you’re initiating contact because this must be a sign that they want to talk or have changed, and you fall right back onto that hamster wheel of communication keeping you in break up no man’s land.

I think people really trivialise the impact of social media and texting; often forgetting that as it says at the end of the article, there is a human with feelings and emotions at the other side of that ‘like’ or back from the dating/relationship dead text. It’s less risky and takes far less effort than speaking to the person face to face. Often it’s to simply fulfil boredom or just curiosity that isn’t truly backed up with anything substantial.

So if you get zombied and it throws you off course, just remember to keep things in perspective of what’s really happening there. And be very cautious before you use it as a sign to reignite the conversation!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and whether you have ever been zombied??