A lot of people ask me how long it takes to get over an ex. I don’t care what statistics say, I don’t think it’s particularly measurable because it’s not like you wake up one day and are all of a sudden ‘over them’. Usually, it takes small steps and it gradually happens, often without you even realising.
So here is a quick and dirty list of a few signs that you’re definitely on the right path!
1) You’ve finally started to not need your phone constantly cemented to your hand incase they text or call
2) You’re no longer disappointed if your phone buzzes and it’s not your ex
3) You’re getting better sleep
4) You have even a tiny bit of curiosity about someone else you’ve met or know
5) You’re enjoying spending time with your friends and really appreciating them
6) You’ve taken up a new interest or hobby (or fell in love with an old one) which fills some of the time you spent with your ex
7) Even if you don’t love being alone, you’re ok with it
8) You don’t feel the need to talk about your ex, the breakup, how they hurt you or what they did wrong. That story isn’t the centre of conversation with your friends, family, co-workers or whoever will listen now
9) You still might think about your ex but you think more about the realistic reasons why the relationship ended instead of dwelling on all the good times and thinking you’re now missing out or will never get that back
10) You’re not obsessing over their Facebook, instagram or social media pages trying to decipher what they’re doing and who they’re doing it with
11) You think you might have just flirted a bit with that guy/girl!
12) You’ve stopped or not as tempted to google ’ways to get your ex back’
13) You’re toying with the idea that there could be a better relationship for you out there and there’s a tiny spark of excitement about that prospect
14) You can go out, have a few drinks and enjoy it instead of texting your ex, crying or bitching about them
15) You’re able to laugh and actually have fun (even if it’s just a little bit!) without it feeling forced or like you're putting on a brave face
16) You're not making excuses for or justifying what they did or didn't do that led to the breakup happening. You're starting to think more about what that says about them or the relationship
17) You're starting to focus more on your own health and self-care. It might feel strange but you're becoming more ok with putting yourself first or at least acknowledge that this is the best thing you can do right now
If you’re feeling any of these and you’re considering getting back with your ex because it’s familiar, would be easy or you just wonder what indulging in that craving for nostalgia would lead to, then remember that by feeling any of the above things, you’ve created a shift. You’ve created a shift between the past and present and whilst we would all love to be able to go back down memory lane, in the ‘today’ it probably won’t be as hearts, flowers, roses and unicorns. Because today is different to back then and you're starting to see things differently now.
By feeling any of these things on the list, you’ve pivoted. You've pivoted on a new and more fulfilling path for yourself. Keep on that path, keep doing exactly what you’re doing. Oh, and go flirt some more whilst you’re at it too! ;)