Photo by أخٌفيالله on Unsplash
I’ve been asked to write a post about this topic many times now, so today, will delve into why we often stay in the wrong relationships for so long.
You can perhaps relate; you’re in a relationship that you know deep down, isn’t right, healthy or aligned with what you really want. Perhaps the same issues are happening over and over again, but you keep negotiating yourself away from those facts by putting the good parts of the relationship on a pedestal.
Because those good parts really are so good!
Maybe you’ve invested all your time and emotion into a relationship with someone and so of course, you want to give the relationship absolutely everything you’ve got.
After all, you have everything laid out ahead of you with this person. You’ve got a version of life mapped out that might include marriage, kids, a home, traveling etc. and so you need to see this relationship through and fight for it tooth and nail to ensure that dream life becomes fulfilled.
But what if you still know, deep down, that the relationship just isn’t working? Be brutally honest with yourself here. Are those good parts really enough of a compelling reason to stay put?
TIme and emotional Investment
The reason why we stay in the wrong relationships for so long is because of the time and emotional investment. When we invest time, money, or emotion into something, we want to see it through to ensure we get the reward. But like investing time or money into something that just isn’t working, there comes a time when it really is time to fold and let go.
Think of it from a financial perspective. It would be crazy to keep investing money into a bad deal. You’d want out before you created any significant financial damage, wouldn’t you?
However, when it comes to emotional investment, I understand the waters become a little muddy.
Fear of the Unknown
Whilst there is something to be said for making relationships work through mutual collaboration and compromise, if you find yourself constantly hoping, waiting, and talking yet nothing seems to change, or if it does, it’s fleeting and temporary, it’s a little like plowing money into that bad deal. The longer you stay in the relationship, the more hurt and emotional damage will be created. Plus, your dignity and sense of self-worth can be seriously compromised.
I understand that fear comes into play here. The fear of losing out on that life with someone you’ve worked so hard to map out. The fear of losing it can feel far scarier than the unknown and the thought of having to start over.
But there comes a point when it is time to see the red flags as just that - red flags. Love shouldn’t be about living in pain. A healthy relationship shouldn’t be filled with terrible lows but absolutely incredible highs. It’s just not sustainable in the long term. Or even on a less intense level, it shouldn’t be about a constant underlying sense of dissatisfaction.
You’re Only Human
And please know that if you’ve found yourself in this situation, or are in it currently, you’re only human. As humans, we all often make mistakes about where to channel our time and emotions. But like that bad deal, know when it’s time to fold and step away.
Yes, it might mean grieving the loss of the life you had ahead of you, but try and set aside the emotional element for a moment. Instead, if you look at the relationship objectively, you have accumulated enough evidence and facts to know that staying put will only come with more emotional sacrifice, hurt, and pain.
Step Away with Your Head Held High!
If you opt-out now, you have the opportunity to rebuild and invest your time and emotional energy into creating the life and future relationship you really, truly deserve.
It might feel scary but I assure you, stepping into the unknown with your head held high and dignity intact will be a much brighter, safer and healthier investment.