Breaking Up is Hard to Do…….Especially when Social Media is Involved!
Going through a break-up I don’t think has ever been easy no matter how far back in time we go. However, I do think that in recent years, social media can have a big part to play in the anxiety, upset and anger that we feel when we do go through one.
I certainly believe that avoiding looking up your ex on social media is a must-do when getting over a break-up. But let’s be realistic, just because it’s the most sensible and obvious thing to not to, that’s not going to stop us doing it. Whether it’s in moments of weakness or when we’re actually feeling empowered and strong, an innocent glance at one new picture can send us hurling back into that dungeon of heartbreak.
So I thought it might be useful to share a few insights on the whole subject of social media and break-ups and how you could think about approaching it.
1) Social Media can be like a reality TV show
Facebook being the prime example here - it’s usually a carefully edited version of what’s really going on in real life. The highlights. You may go to your ex’s Facebook page to see them engrossed in a suddenly amazing social life; laughing, joking, with their arms round people who you jump to the conclusion have become your replacement. We’re usually very particular about the photos we put on Facebook - e.g. the ones that make us look at our best! Don’t take it as real that your ex is suddenly having an amazing life without you and looks even more incredible than you remember. Chances are this is just for show and perhaps even for your benefit. Behind the scenes of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram they’re likely feeling just as upset as you.
2) Don’t try and engage with your ex on social media
It may seem completely innocent to ‘like’ one of their status updates or comment on a picture but refraining from any contact during those first months after the break-up is integral. No matter how much you convince yourself it’s lighthearted and friendly, it’s still keeping that attachment that you need to let go of. It can also look desperate and ain’t nobody got time for that 😉 Regardless of the fact that you might be heartbroken and probably missing your ex, keep this private and amongst the people that matter in real life.
3) Be aware of what you’re putting out there on your own social media accounts
In sensitive situations when you’re feeling emotional, less is more when it comes to airing it on social media. Don’t post anything in relation to the break-up, particularly anything passive aggressive and don’t suddenly start to post dozens of photos of you having a ‘totally amazing time’ (like in my first point), especially if this really isn’t your style normally. It will look like it’s for your ex’s benefit and you want to focus on actually going and having a great life, not spending time creating that impression on Facebook. A few photos that you’d post anyway are of course fine and I don’t mean remove yourself from social media completely, but just be aware of not over sharing or obviously going over the top creating an illusion that people will see straight through. It’s much better to remain a little elusive.
4) To ‘unfriend’ or not?
If you do want to remove your ex from social media then go ahead and this can sometimes be the best thing to do to avoid keep seeing what they’re up to. But perhaps wait a short while before doing the deleting as you don’t want to use social media to take out any aggression on them and use the time for ‘real’ to begin to deal with the break-up. Facebook can wait! Then after a couple of weeks or so feel free to delete, unfriend (or ‘defriend’ - I’m not sure what the correct term is?!) and you can be done with it. If you’re not entirely sure what the future holds for the two of you, you still need time to cut off contact and regain your perspective on everything - which won’t be helped by every time you log into Facebook you see them or their family and friends popping up. So the best thing to do when it comes to Facebook is simply hide their feeds and no one will be any the wiser.
I mentioned it before but I’ll say it again as I completely understand that it’s so difficult to refrain from looking up your ex on social media after your break-up. But it really can be like emotionally hurting yourself again and again when you do have the power in you to not do it. Sometimes a useful way to tackle it is by giving yourself short-term goals. So promise yourself that you won’t look for a week. If you get to that week and you then look and it makes you feel like crap, start again and give yourself 2 weeks this time and then if you’re tempted either during or after those 2 weeks, remember how you felt the last time. Or every time you feel the urge, make an agreement with a friend that you’ll call them instead. Eventually as you genuinely move on with your life, you won’t feel so emotionally battered by what you see on social media so know that staying strong when it comes to this will only serve you better.
Also, just keep perspective. If what you see does upset you, remember that social media isn’t an accurate portrayal of what’s really going on. We get so obsessed about what we see on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram etc and forget to focus on what’s really important; our own lives in real life.
I hope you find this helpful and please feel free to comment or email me on [email protected] if you have any thoughts you’d like to share!
Image courtesy of http://www.wallpapersidol.com/