What to do when you’re Heartbroken at Christmas
Break-ups are tough but can be even more difficult to deal with over Christmas. Though Christmas can actually be an amazing time of year to be single, the first one without your ex can make you want to steer completely clear of Love Actually, ice rinks and social events brimming with cosy couples. When you’re hurting or dwelling on how things used to be at Christmas, all of the romantic things about the season are somehow shoved to the forefront of your mind and that’s all you become aware of. There’s no magic cure for the sadness you’ll inevitably feel but the good news is that with a bit of a change in mindset, it can definitely be lessened.
Here are some tips on how to have a happy Christmas post-break up -:
Start Early on your Resolutions – Part 1
The New Year is all about resolutions but I strongly suggest you get a head start ready for Christmas. Look at Christmas as a part of your fresh beginning and be even bolder with your resolutions than you normally would. Make big plans! Use the time you have to really embrace the opportunity being single presents - because it does present opportunity. It’s absolutely normal and more than ok to be sad - allow those moments in and feel them but then consciously decide to flip your mindset. If you walk past or go somewhere that reminds you of your ex, don’t flee home to hibernate in bed with a box of Quality Street. Use seeing that place as a sign that you could venture somewhere completely new over Christmas and plan it. Create new memories instead of dwelling on old ones. Just remember that whilst these memories associated with your ex will be around for a while and will be triggered by many things, the feeling of sadness is temporary - if you allow new memories and experiences in. You have control of that and you have to be proactive in helping yourself. Try to avoid the places that remind you of your past relationship if you can and concentrate on doing new things. Make this Christmas completely different to the last or last few so you’re not constantly comparing it to how it ‘used to be’.
Set Goals – Part 2
As a follow up from the above, I’m not talking about flimsy resolutions that you’ll never stick to! Break-ups can be life-changing so use the time you have over Christmas wisely and constructively to really think about what you really want from the year ahead and what changes you might want to make. Have you had a desire to start a business that you’ve done nothing about yet, go on a trip that you keep putting off, learn a new skill or want to make changes to your lifestyle? If you don’t want to be single, what can you do about that? Can you try online dating, re-write a more compelling online dating profile if you haven’t had much luck so far, go to singles events or plan to do things that will widen your social circle and your chances of meeting someone? Where would your ideal man/woman spend their free time? That’s the key in meeting the type of person you want to meet so plan to go to these places to find them! Try new things for yourself too. You’re more likely to meet someone who is more aligned to what you want when you’re doing things that make you happy - and not dwelling on your ex or being single.
Do Something for Someone Else
No matter how many times people tell you that Christmas is about being around the people you love or that there’s always someone worse off than yourself, let’s face it, we all know that’s true but when you’re feeling heartbroken, it doesn’t make us feel any better. But actually knowing you’ve done something can do. It doesn’t have to be anything too committal - helping out at a local charity for a few hours or even just surprising a friend in some way who has being there for you will give you a real positive distraction. You’ll be amazed at what the feeling of actively doing something to help others does for you and will encourage you to acknowledge all the great things you have going on in your own life.
Do Something for you
Give yourself a break and be good to yourself when you’re feeling low. Try not to spend too much time alone and allow your friends and family to be there for you and take comfort in that. If you don’t feel up to being the life and soul of the party that’s fine but do make an effort to attend the social events going on - and be present. You want to avoid being with your own thoughts too much, it’s about getting a balance. Spending time alone is ok and probably needed but it can take giving yourself a bit of a push to get out socially so make that an intention. The better you feel in yourself, the more likely that you’ll want to get out and about too, so do things that make you feel good. Pampering, working out, not over indulging too much so that you constantly feel tired, a new outfit, a new haircut….all of this might sound superficial but anything that gives you a boost and a spring in your step is a positive thing.
Unless it was a huge relief to get out of the relationship you were in, the first Christmas after a break-up will always be tough. Realistically, you can’t bypass the sadness and it is something that you have to endure and ride out to get through the other side. Some of the above tips are ways in which you accept and experience those sad emotions but still proactively do things that will propel you forwards and make this Christmas a different but good one.
I really do hope you’ve found these helpful and wish you all a very merry Christmas! Here’s to a fantastic 2015!
Image courtesy of Creative Fan.