Photo by Madison Oren on Unsplash
Are you completely over them?
A little while ago, I received what I can only call a relief phone call from a dear friend. The minute I picked up the phone, I could tell that my friend was elated!
Without skipping a beat, she said, “Laura, I think I’m over him.” “Well, good for you!” I said.
I was curious though and asked her “What’s shifted for you?”
She then proceeded to tell me how she had listened to a song during her workout and had only realised a few hours later that it was her ex’s favourite song. Previously, the first bar of this track would send her spiralling.
You see, the reason why getting over an ex can seem like a hurdle is that we pour so much of our entire being; our essence into our relationships.
Once they end, we get into a grieving phase. The good news is, while the loss of a relationship can be painful, we do know that with time, some inner work and addressing a few vital elements, it won’t last forever. So then, how do you figure out that you’re over them for good?
I’ll tell you what to look out for.
1. Spending time with mutual friends doesn’t bother you
It’s ok to hang out with you and your ex’s mutual friends, but there’s a catch. You can only tell whether or not you’ve moved on if you’re not interested in having conversations dominated around your ex, and have no curiosity or interest in finding out how they’re doing. If you don’t care to know details about your ex’s current life, this is a sure sign that you’re moving on or have moved on.
2. You don’t stalk them on social media
Once we’ve broken up with someone, it’s easy to fall into the trap of stalking our ex-partner on social media. You want to know every single detail of their life, whether they’re seeing someone, whether they seem happy without you, or simply whether they’re ok.
If there’s one way to ensure that you don’t move on from a relationship quickly, it’s following your ex and engaging with them on social media. The best way to ensure that you get over them faster is to detach. Later down the line if something your ex posts feels indifferent or doesn’t bother you, this is a very positive indication that you’re truly over them.
3. You don’t think about them anymore
If your mind constantly wanders to the things you and your ex used to do together or say to each other, you’re probably still in that grieving stage. However, if the thought of them rarely crosses your mind or if it does, it doesn’t trigger much of an emotional reaction, the chances are that you have moved on from them.
Remember, it’s more than ok - and natural, to think about your ex once in a while. However, what would have been romantic feelings should be replaced by simply memories if you’ve moved on.
4. You’re doing more of what you want to do and what makes you happy
If you’re doing more of the things that you loved doing before you met your partner or newly discovered activities that make you happy, chances are that you’ve moved on from your ex. Once you resume a healthy routine that engages you and regain a sense of normality in your day to day, this is an incredibly positive sign.
Maybe you will also find yourself creating an entirely new schedule that’s more in line with your life now, but whatever it is you’re doing, as long as it doesn’t look and feel like you’re tied up to your ex in everything you’re doing, you’re moving on!
5. You’re interested in someone else
It isn’t always wise to get into a new relationship immediately after a breakup. However, if the idea of going on dates and meeting new people excites you, you’re probably ready for it and have moved on from your ex.
When you’re interested in someone else, it means you’ve already resolved the feelings that came with the breakup. If you’re focused on your ex, it won’t be easy to move on or even be interested in meeting other people.
Sometimes, you might feel like you’re dating simply for the sake of going through the motions. However, you have to remember that there are other people that can make you as happy as your ex did.
6. You Prioritise Self-care
The truth is that you’re not moving on unless you’re taking care of yourself. Focusing on those core principles of getting enough sleep, drinking water, being mindful of your physical health and generally taking care of yourself. This is where self-care comes in.
You have to take care of your body, mind and spirit. Prioritising self-care is vital if you want to build resilience towards the stressors of life that you cannot avoid - which often includes at some point, a tough breakup.
Once you dial in on your mind, body, and soul - and also adding those extra feel-good pick-me-ups including good skincare (a new personal favourite of mine being Strip Makeup and skincare) and dressing in a way that makes you feel confident and empowered - you will be in a better position to live life to the fullest.
The truth is that self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s a basic need none of us can live without. Without prioritising self-care, we end up feeling fatigued and overwhelmed. Once this is a priority for you, you know that you’re well on your way to moving on from your ex!
7. Seeing that they’ve moved on is ok
The truth is that once a relationship falls apart, both of you have to move on. The only difference is that you will move on at different paces. When you’re still heartbroken over the loss of a relationship, you’ll probably feel sadness, anger or even betrayal if you were to learn that your ex has moved on.
However, if you’ve also moved on, them getting into a new relationship doesn’t seem to trigger you and you might feel a tinge of sadness, but you don’t dwell. Sometimes, you might also even be happy that they have moved on now that you’ve had the time and space to process, reflect and regain your own identity and life in your own right.
Although these are some of the main indications that you’ve moved on from your breakup and ex, remember that most times, you won’t need an entire list to tell you.
You will feel it and know it deep inside your gut - so trust that instinct and go with it.