Ok, I’m going to be Honest: The Break-Up Part 2….

I wanted to write this as it’s something which has been bothering me over the past few weeks. As you might know, in April I made the decision to break up with my partner. You can read all about that here. That was a pretty honest post and this one is going to be the same. I’ll also tell you why I’ve felt a bit uneasy about the whole situation.

Everything I wrote in that blog post was 100% real. After I broke up with him I felt hugely empowered and felt I was able to look at the situation with the rose tinted glasses removed. I was seeing the situation how it was in the cold light of day. I chose to put myself first and take myself out of a relationship that wasn’t serving me.

4 months on and well, I’m going to admit that there have been a few wobbles in regards to how I’ve felt about the break-up. As I mentioned in the post, the situation was quite complicated as I ended the relationship during a time when we were apart. When he returned 2 months later, communication was reignited and we met to talk things over. I have to admit, there were many things that were left unsaid, many unanswered questions and all of this needed to be put out in the open. But after all this happened, I felt weak for him again. This didn’t surprise me as he’s always had that effect on me. I even contemplated whether I’d made the right decision in ending the relationship. I felt quite low, upset and disconnected. I missed him. I even wanted to be back with him at some points. Quite a contrast from the empowered girl taking control I was back in April!

And so the reason I’ve felt uneasy about this when it comes to my work as a coach and mentor, is that I suppose I’ve felt a bit like a fraud. There I was talking about taking my life in my own hands and stepping away with gusto from something that wasn’t serving me when a couple of months later, I was weakened and considering walking right back into that! I lost my power. What would people who read that post think? Would you be disappointed in me or feel that I didn’t walk my talk?

But then I really thought about it. This is life. Real life where relationships and break-ups and the processes, feelings and emotions that come with those show up in many different shades. Many ups and downs, highs and lows. It’s all still a learning experience and by trying to ignore it or pretend to everyone that I’ve been waking up every morning channeling my inner Beyonce ‘should have put a ring on it’ style and revelling in the thought of my life as a single girl, that would go against everything that I’m about. And I hope in the same way that my other post helped people (and thank you so much to those who said it did!), I hope this one will too. If anything, I just want it to be an example of how firstly in regards to break ups, it really is a bumpy process that has to be ridden out and secondly, that it’s ok to have an emotional freakout! It’s ok to have lots of them! Even if it does mean you losing that feeling of empowerment for a while.

And so the way I’m dealing with this now is just letting go. The relationship was a big deal and it would probably have been odd if after seeing him, all of that love didn’t come back up to the surface and cloud the reality of the situation, which was easier to see in April. As it turns out, when I made that decision, it was the right one. It’s taken going through some crap to figure that out but it just goes to show that your gut instinct or intuition is always right! I’m back (still working on the whole Beyonce bit of that!) and focusing on all of those other things I’ve spoken about before like getting out and creating new memories and putting myself first - all these things are a great way of breaking through. You just need something to shift the focus.

So if you can relate to this in any way, just know that however you are feeling is ok and completely normal. Have people you can talk to and have friends who you can have those crazy moments around who will support you and lift you up as that’s really important. Get out there and do stuff. It will eventually pass and get easier. Just remember to keep focusing on making your life the absolute best it can be right now. Think of new things you can do every day and new habits you can create for yourself.

Here’s to stepping back into that empowered place - and knowing it’s the right thing!